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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

satire

Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands

October 6, 2020 by The Boston Accent

What began as a boon for the Maine oyster industry has quickly soured as the demand for pearls that Senator Susan Collins can clutch has far exceeded supply. "When Senator Collins was attacked for her response to Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination, we knew she'd be calling us for a necklace’s worth of clutching pearls," said Jim Daniels of the Maine Oyster Farmers … [Read more...] about Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands

Merriam-Webster Adds ‘Mediumregulariced’ To Dictionary

September 29, 2020 by Bailey Hull

black and white book browse dictionary

Thanks to a petition signed by 4 million New England residents, Merriam-Webster will officially add "Mediumregulariced” to their dictionary on national coffee day. “This is a monumental achievement for New Englanders everywhere,” said Carrie Meisner, a spokesperson for the dictionary company who lives in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. “What could be more representative of our … [Read more...] about Merriam-Webster Adds ‘Mediumregulariced’ To Dictionary

Out Of Shows To Watch On Netflix? Experts Suggest Banging Your Head Repeatedly Against Wall

September 27, 2020 by Alicia Devereaux

Are you tired of rewatching Cheers on Netflix in fruitless attempts to produce some much needed serotonin? Experts from Harvard are now recommending that you bang your head “over and over” against a wall instead. “After multiple clinical trials, we have proven that smashing your head against a wall is actually healthier than watching Avatar The Last Airbender for the 50th … [Read more...] about Out Of Shows To Watch On Netflix? Experts Suggest Banging Your Head Repeatedly Against Wall

‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition

September 25, 2020 by Kevin Kelliher

Medical experts were baffled on Wednesday after local Celtics fan Brad Barry arrived at the ER literally bleeding green. Barry, a self-proclaimed “wicked big Celtics fan,” appeared to have cut his face after trying to drink from a broken bottle of Sam Adams following the Celtics’ tragic loss earlier in the evening. “These brainiac doctors think I’m sick , but I keep … [Read more...] about ‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition

Chic Boston Apartment Has Exposed Brick, Exposed Light Bulbs, Exposed Asbestos

September 23, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

From exposed brick and wooden beams to incredibly toxic airborne asbestos, this chic Boston apartment really has everything. The studio’s modern style lays bare all of the typically unseen, sometimes carcinogenic structural framing, so you know exactly how you’re living, and exactly how you’ll die. “This place is so raw and open, kinda like me actually,” said tenant Edward … [Read more...] about Chic Boston Apartment Has Exposed Brick, Exposed Light Bulbs, Exposed Asbestos

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

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  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025
  • Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston March 14, 2025

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