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Gov. Baker Announces Boston’s Nonexistent Nightlife Can Finally Reopen
BOSTON—Slowly pumping his fist behind the podium, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Boston’s virtually nonexistent nightlife could finally reopen this weekend.
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Finally, A United Nation: 100% Of Americans Agree They’d Rather See Jake Paul Get Knocked Out Than Receive Another Stimulus Check
“America may be more divided than ever, but it appears we all agree on one thing: wanting to see Jake Paul get his long overdue comeuppance,” said Pew research Dan Hinkley, who ran the survey.
Impressive! Emerson Junior Breaks World Record For Most Banana Kush Pre-Rolls Shoved In One Sock Drawer
BOSTON, MA—After swiftly stuffing 78 joints into his dresser before the RA came in for room inspection, Emerson junior Codey Sherman officially broke the world record for most banana kush pre-rolls shoved in a single sock drawer. “I am incredibly proud of Codey. She truly embodies all of the…
Heartwarming: Senator Sinema Pays Homage To Her Hero Emperor Commodus From Gladiator In Vote Against $15 Minimum Wage
“Some people thought I was paying tribute to John McCain’s thumbs down of repealing the ACA. Boy are those people wrong!” Said the Arizona senator, one of eight democrats who voted against gradually raising the Federal minimum wage to $15. “I loved Gladiator and that emperor was totally in…