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Family Mandates That Thanksgiving Dinner Discussion Will Exclusively Cover The Bruins
In an effort to keep the peace this holiday, a Merrimack Valley family has decreed that only this year’s Bruins team and their league-topping record can be discussed at the dinner table this thanksgiving. “No politics, no current events, just Bruins,” said Johnathan McCree with a crooked smile on his face. “But no mentioning Milan…
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Brown University Study Finds American English And Warwick English No Longer Mutually Intelligible
WARWICK, R.I. — Anthropologists from Brown University were baffled during a recent survey of Rhode Island populations after finding that the Warwick dialect had drifted so far from English that they would need translators in order to communicate with local residents. “We haven’t been able to visit these communities…
Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045
ORLEANS, Mass. — A recent study has caused alarm in the scientific community after concluding that mini-golf courses on Cape Cod are expanding out of control. “There is a delicate balance between amusement areas and the rest of the environment, and changing one variable can have cascading consequences,” explained…
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Nanas All Over New England Forced To File Bankruptcy After Visiting Christmas Tree Shop Liquidation Sale
“The tinsel is 75 percent off! Of course I needed to buy 2000 dollars worth at that price,” said one Nana from Attleboro, Mass. “You can never have too much wrapping paper. I should be all set for the next few years,” said another from Scarborough, Maine, filling a…