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Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans
In an announcement sure to appease hurting Pats fans everywhere, Bill Belichick told reporters today that next season, the team will “most likely” bring back cheating to avoid another heartbreak season. “Suffering through a 47-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills can have a devastating impact on the mental and physical health of our fan base,”…
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Santa Reminds Mass Residents That “Less Traffic On 95” Is Not A Realistic Gift
BRAINTREE, MA — We caught up with the big man himself, Santa Claus, who gave us a rundown of the most popular gift requests in the Bay State. Near the top of the list were expected requests, like Playstation 5’s, iPhone 13’s, and a real point guard for the…
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Mayor Wu Infuriates Antivaxxer Who Already Wasn’t Getting Invited Anywhere
BOSTON—Following Mayor Wu’s announcement of a proof-of-vaccine requirement to enter indoor restaurants and venues in Boston, the city’s outspoken antivax residents—who clearly weren’t getting invited to dinner anyways—were in an uproar. “We live in a certified nanny state that doesn’t respect the will of its citizens,” said one antivax…
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Man Drinking Cold Brew During Snowstorm Like Some Sort Of Ice Wizard
Beware: a New Englander is at their most powerful in these circumstances. Steal their shoveled parking spot with extra caution, or you might get frozen alive by their ice breath.
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