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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Sports

New England Buccaneers Win Super Bowl

February 7, 2021 by The Boston Accent

The New England Buccaneers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl atop the shoulders of Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Antonio Brown, and other lesser important players that didn’t come from the Patriots. “WE WON THE SUPERBOWL!” Yelled fans all over New England. “And if you squinted hard enough, it looked like they were wearing Pats ‘Away’ jerseys too. Another banner … [Read more...] about New England Buccaneers Win Super Bowl

In Latest Slight To Boston, Brady Announces He’s Now Starting Goalie For The Penguins

January 26, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Who could have seen that coming?! … [Read more...] about In Latest Slight To Boston, Brady Announces He’s Now Starting Goalie For The Penguins

Rich Friend With Good Health Insurance Insists You Spend $200 To Throw Yourselves Down A Mountain Together

January 19, 2021 by The Boston Accent

“Skiing is absolutely worth the cost, it’s a blast! Plus, we can wear helmets and masks, so it’s totally safe,” said your friend, who already owns all the equipment you have to rent and has a fully-loaded HSA. … [Read more...] about Rich Friend With Good Health Insurance Insists You Spend $200 To Throw Yourselves Down A Mountain Together

30-Year-Old Man Jogging In Marginally Cold Weather Pretty Sure He Could Hack It In SEAL Training

December 27, 2020 by The Boston Accent

As Derrick Bryant, 30, went on his bi-weekly three mile jog today, the mild discomfort caused by the 34 degree weather assured him that, if he wanted, he could probably still enlist as a Navy SEAL, despite their age cutoff of 28 and far more rigorous training standard. “I'm sure it's tough, but hell, I could do it still, I bet. I'm in pretty good shape, and I mean, it's cold … [Read more...] about 30-Year-Old Man Jogging In Marginally Cold Weather Pretty Sure He Could Hack It In SEAL Training

The New England Revolution Will Not Be Televised

December 6, 2020 by Jake Margolin

According to a whistleblower, New England sports media elites across all networks are conspiring to suppress attention to the New England Revolution, Boston’s oft-forgotten MLS team. “It’s a farce I tell you, the media doesn’t want you to know the Revolution exists,” claimed the whistleblower, who added they definitely are not a member of the soccer team. “We, I mean they, … [Read more...] about The New England Revolution Will Not Be Televised

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Recent

  • Heartwarming: Senator Sinema Pays Homage To Her Hero Emperor Commodus From Gladiator In Vote Against $15 Minimum Wage March 6, 2021
  • Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now February 27, 2021
  • Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships February 20, 2021
  • Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread February 14, 2021

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