Sometimes the headlines write themselves. … [Read more...] about Shelf Life Of Mayo Shorter Than Expected
Sports
Pats Fan Yearns For Day They Can Incorporate Free Dunkin’ Iced Coffee After Wins Into Financial Planning Again
Tewksbury, MA - Resident Tom Connors is hopeful the age old free-iced-coffee-after-Pats-win promo will be revived and relevant this season and he can finally pencil it back into his financial plans. “During the good years, that free iced coffee was a big part of my weekly fall budgeting,” huffed Connors, “I saved hundreds from it. But when the Pats fell off, I guess so did … [Read more...] about Pats Fan Yearns For Day They Can Incorporate Free Dunkin’ Iced Coffee After Wins Into Financial Planning Again
Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
Family Mandates That Thanksgiving Dinner Discussion Will Exclusively Cover The Bruins
In an effort to keep the peace this holiday, a Merrimack Valley family has decreed that only this year’s Bruins team and their league-topping record can be discussed at the dinner table this thanksgiving. “No politics, no current events, just Bruins,” said Johnathan McCree with a crooked smile on his face. “But no mentioning Milan Lucic. Also no Celtics talk. Too … [Read more...] about Family Mandates That Thanksgiving Dinner Discussion Will Exclusively Cover The Bruins