“I despise the Celtics with every fiber of my being—have since I was a little boy growing up in Philly,” said a salty Sixers fan named Barrett Jacobs. “I wish more than anything that it was possible to hate Derrick White too since he’s a Celtic. But it’s just… not possible. He’s un-dislikable and I can’t explain why.” Not even top MIT behavioral scientists have been able to … [Read more...] about Celtics Haters Across America Devastated By Realization That It Impossible To Dislike Derrick White
Sports
Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
BOSTON—As a precautionary measure, the Celtics organization has reportedly added a trap door on Lucky the Leprechaun’s face in preparation for the likely finals showdown with the Dallas Maverick and Kyrie Irving. “Kyrie has a dirty history of face stomping on our dear Lucky, and this time we will be prepared,” said an unnamed Celtics’ security officer. “If he tries to … [Read more...] about Celtics Booby Trap Lucky’s Face In Preparation For Kyrie’s Return
Family Mandates That Thanksgiving Dinner Discussion Will Exclusively Cover The Bruins
In an effort to keep the peace this holiday, a Merrimack Valley family has decreed that only this year’s Bruins team and their league-topping record can be discussed at the dinner table this thanksgiving. “No politics, no current events, just Bruins,” said Johnathan McCree with a crooked smile on his face. “But no mentioning Milan Lucic. Also no Celtics talk. Too … [Read more...] about Family Mandates That Thanksgiving Dinner Discussion Will Exclusively Cover The Bruins
Patriots Lose To Bye Week After Late Comeback Falls Short
The New England Patriots were unable to overcome an early deficit after getting off to a slow start against their scheduled bye week on Sunday. Patriots quarterback Mac Jones was seen being berated by offensive coordinator Bill O’Brien following an offensive sequence that ended with Jones throwing an interception, despite the complete absence of any opposing players on the … [Read more...] about Patriots Lose To Bye Week After Late Comeback Falls Short
‘Tis The Season! Households Across New England Replace Terrifying Patriots Decor With Cheery Celtics Gear
I swear it happens earlier and earlier each year! … [Read more...] about ‘Tis The Season! Households Across New England Replace Terrifying Patriots Decor With Cheery Celtics Gear