“To be fair, if we had lost the series I was gonna punch a hole in the wall too,” said Mickey Porter, grinning ear to ear as he pulled his bruised fist from the drywall. “Punching and hitting stuff is how I express all my emotions.” Porter added that he’s prepping for the second round of the playoffs by purchasing dozens of cheap glasses from the local thrift store, which he … [Read more...] about Bruins Fan Celebrates Victory Over Capitals By Happily Punching New Hole In Wall
Sports
Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms
Medfield dad Douglas Stephens has been overcome by waves of nostalgia while watching his favorite Boston sports teams underperform, just as they did during the formative years of his life. “It’s just like my teenage years in the early 90s—I still fondly remember punching my TV,” reflected Stephens, wiping away a single tear as he turned off the most recent Red Sox … [Read more...] about Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms
Lebron James Buys Stake In Red Sox After Owning Celtics For Years
As the most recent investor in the Fenway Sports Group, which owns the Red Sox, James expanded his ownership of Boston sports teams—after a decade of absolutely owning the Celtics at TD Garden. … [Read more...] about Lebron James Buys Stake In Red Sox After Owning Celtics For Years
Patriots Sign Literal Goat
“It’s perfect because he has the exact same diet as Brady did,” said the Patriots team chef. The goat, name Tahhhhhm, is already a close friend of Belichick, and has taken on the extra role of chewing the sleeves off his hoodies. … [Read more...] about Patriots Sign Literal Goat
New England Buccaneers Win Super Bowl
The New England Buccaneers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl atop the shoulders of Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Antonio Brown, and other lesser important players that didn’t come from the Patriots. “WE WON THE SUPERBOWL!” Yelled fans all over New England. “And if you squinted hard enough, it looked like they were wearing Pats ‘Away’ jerseys too. Another banner … [Read more...] about New England Buccaneers Win Super Bowl