“All of our Disney friends said we need to check out Salem sometime. So we thought, why not October? It’s still cheaper than Epcot!” said Eliza Peaux, dressed as a witch from Hocus Pocus. “These lines are nothing compared to the magic kingdom. Hey look, is that a hidden Mickey on that 1600s gravestone?!” … [Read more...] about Salem Residents Brace For Invasion Of Disney Adults
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Move Over, Pumpkin Spice: Polar Releases New “Sam Adams Seasonal” Flavored Seltzer
Polar, the popular Worcester-based seltzer powerhouse, has decided to tap into their New England roots by releasing a new crossover flavor just in time for fall: Sam Adams Seasonal. “What makes these seltzers unique is that they are brewed with grain, hops, yeast, and, of course, carbonated water,” said a Polar spokesperson. Some of you might be asking yourselves, “Is … [Read more...] about Move Over, Pumpkin Spice: Polar Releases New “Sam Adams Seasonal” Flavored Seltzer
Brown University Study Finds American English And Warwick English No Longer Mutually Intelligible
WARWICK, R.I. — Anthropologists from Brown University were baffled during a recent survey of Rhode Island populations after finding that the Warwick dialect had drifted so far from English that they would need translators in order to communicate with local residents. “We haven’t been able to visit these communities since before the pandemic,” said Dr. Natalie Krueger, who is … [Read more...] about Brown University Study Finds American English And Warwick English No Longer Mutually Intelligible
Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045
ORLEANS, Mass. — A recent study has caused alarm in the scientific community after concluding that mini-golf courses on Cape Cod are expanding out of control. “There is a delicate balance between amusement areas and the rest of the environment, and changing one variable can have cascading consequences,” explained Leslie Cole, a professor of Environmental Studies at Tufts … [Read more...] about Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045
In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth
BOSTON—To continue his legacy of apologizing to marginalized groups that he physically slighted throughout his juvenile years, Mark Wahlberg has decided to openly apologize to the LGBTQ+ community. “Like in my movie ‘Joe Bell,’ somebody had to bully that gay kid so a beautiful story could come out of it. I’m sorry that person had to be me, but at least it was someone who … [Read more...] about In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth