In a well attended ceremony on Friday, Eliot Tatelman cut off his signature white and gray ponytail as staff dumped a cooler of gatorade onto him. Thousands of onlookers cheered between bites of blueberry muffins as the ponytail was slowly lifted into the rafters at the flagship Jordan’s Furniture Store in Avon. Replicas will soon be added to rafters at every location. … [Read more...] about Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement
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Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat
BOSTON — Red Sox research and development staff recently explained how the team’s cutting-edge bat technology has helped star designated hitter Rafael Devers achieve his historic 0-19 start to the season. “We were analyzing video from previous seasons, and a pattern became apparent,” said Connor McCann, the team’s principal engineer and tech lead. “We noticed that batted … [Read more...] about Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat
American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment
Somerville, Mass. — The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has bravely declared that anyone caught exercising their constitutional rights is now an enemy of the United States. On Tuesday, March 26th, Rumeysa Ozturk, a Turkish doctoral student at Tufts University, was abducted by plainclothes U.S. Department of Homeland Security officers for engaging “in activities in … [Read more...] about American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment
Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston
Looking for some wholesome Saint Patrick’s Day events to attend after scarfing down a full Irish? Well, look no further! There’s something on this list for everyone. ‘I’m More Irish Than You’ Competition Prove to other attendees that you are the most Irish person there by presenting historical documentation or proof you’re related to Conan O’Brien. Let’s Get (Another) … [Read more...] about Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston
Man Begrudgingly Orders Filet-O-Fish To Absolve His Catholic Guilt From Forgetting About Ash Wednesday
“When I walked outside this morning and saw all the ash smudges on people’s foreheads, I immediately felt a wave of guilt. Those nuns really drill that into you in Catholic school. Unfortunately the only way I know how to make Catholic guilt go away is to eat a filet-o-fish, so that’s what I did.” … [Read more...] about Man Begrudgingly Orders Filet-O-Fish To Absolve His Catholic Guilt From Forgetting About Ash Wednesday