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Frontrunner Emerges In Race For New Massachusetts Flag
While the decision on a new flag to represent Massachusetts will require 3 consultant-led focus groups, 6 more rounds of panel voting, and 2 expert task forces, a clear frontrunner has already emerged. “This flag captures everything we stand for in the Bay State: proactivity, progress, and awareness that there will be traffic,” said the…
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Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat
BOSTON — Red Sox research and development staff recently explained how the team’s cutting-edge bat technology has helped star designated hitter Rafael Devers achieve his historic 0-19 start to the season. “We were analyzing video from previous seasons, and a pattern became apparent,” said Connor McCann, the team’s principal…
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American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment
Somerville, Mass. — The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has bravely declared that anyone caught exercising their constitutional rights is now an enemy of the United States. On Tuesday, March 26th, Rumeysa Ozturk, a Turkish doctoral student at Tufts University, was abducted by plainclothes U.S. Department of Homeland Security…
Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston
Looking for some wholesome Saint Patrick’s Day events to attend after scarfing down a full Irish? Well, look no further! There’s something on this list for everyone. ‘I’m More Irish Than You’ Competition Prove to other attendees that you are the most Irish person there by presenting historical documentation…
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