Are you tired of rewatching Cheers on Netflix in fruitless attempts to produce some much needed serotonin? Experts from Harvard are now recommending that you bang your head “over and over” against a wall instead.
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The counter-curse project has cost the city of Salem nearly $2 million, 63 newts, and the blood of three local virgins.
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“I may be five foot six, but my hair is fucking fantastic,” said 31-year-old short guy Jason Cohen to himself in the mirror during his daily affirmation this morning. Cohen is the shortest one in his friend group, but also the only guy with a non-receding hairline, not to mention flowing, wavy locks that perfectly frame his face. “Life is
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The star Celtics player, whose crucial block late in the fourth quarter murdered any chance of a Toronto championship repeat, said it was an honor to dispose of the Raptors remains into Boston’s largest trash repository.
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After internal negotiations, the Biden campaign announced they will generously fund the purchase of a “pretty nice” pair of New Balances for Bernie, “who will be doing a lot of walking.”
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“That woman came all the way from Brazil to support Brady through 4 Super Bowl wins.”
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In an unexpected move, Nancy Pelosi “totally punked” Massachusetts politicos on Thursday afternoon by endorsing Joe Kennedy III over incumbent Ed Markey in the Commonwealth’s hotly contested Democratic primary for US Senate.
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Admitting that he “made a big mistake,” Senate incumbent Ed Markey apologized to Massachusetts voters this week for “choosing to be old.”
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“I can’t tell you how often I find myself in major crisis because I need monounsaturated fat.”
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“Our 17-year-old sends his friends money for venmo almost every day,” said Pam Brewster, sniffling into a tissue.
“These crazy kids even have an app to track how much venmo they’re injecting.”