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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Jack Stebbins

Capitol Police Invest Billions In Anti-Door-Opening Technology

January 8, 2021 by Jack Stebbins

WASHINGTON D.C. — After the U.S. Capitol was overrun with rioters and terrorists seeking to overturn the certification of the 2020 election, the Capitol Police Force has announced that billions of dollars will be invested in state-of-art anti-door-opening technology. Today, the Force unveiled their new high-tech security measures for the next Republican insurrection: two … [Read more...] about Capitol Police Invest Billions In Anti-Door-Opening Technology

Georgia Engulfed In Blue Wave 5 Years Earlier Than Climate Scientists Expected

January 6, 2021 by Jack Stebbins

ATLANTA – The victories of Senators-Elect Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff have submerged the state of Georgia in a blue wave years earlier than climate scientists expected. “I thought the first time I would see a blue Georgia would be from a boat,” said 27-year-old resident Erica Sawyer. “Our coastline has been eroding fast, but this flood came way ahead of schedule.” In a … [Read more...] about Georgia Engulfed In Blue Wave 5 Years Earlier Than Climate Scientists Expected

Boston Department Of Transportation Brings Out Zambonis To Ensure Road Ice Is Perfectly Smooth

December 18, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

“We want our city streets to be so slick and sleek, the Bruins could practice on them,” said DOT representative Dana Lewis. … [Read more...] about Boston Department Of Transportation Brings Out Zambonis To Ensure Road Ice Is Perfectly Smooth

Universal Studios Announces “16 Candles” Reboot About Celebrating Hanukkah With Divorced Parents

December 10, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

It’s a holiday miracle! Universal Studios has announced a reboot of the 80’s classic “Sixteen Candles”. But this time, the coming-of-age film will follow a young Jewish girl as she endures the eight nights of Hanukkah with her recently divorced parents. Lighting one menorah over and over and over is already exhausting--just imagine doing it all twice, with parents who hate each … [Read more...] about Universal Studios Announces “16 Candles” Reboot About Celebrating Hanukkah With Divorced Parents

Shop Local! I Bought My Amazon Gift Cards At This Adorable Mom And Pop Shop

November 30, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

If you care about small businesses like I do, please do your Amazon gift card shopping at local establishments. They need your support now more than ever! You can even use the gift cards to buy items online for cheaper than the shop sells them in the store. Win win! … [Read more...] about Shop Local! I Bought My Amazon Gift Cards At This Adorable Mom And Pop Shop

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  • Bernie Sanders Entirely Unaware Of Meme Status Because His Jitterbug Flip Phone Has No Internet In Vermont January 21, 2021
  • Rich Friend With Good Health Insurance Insists You Spend $200 To Throw Yourselves Down A Mountain Together January 19, 2021
  • Opinion: If Bugs Bunny Is From Brooklyn, Then We Demand A Looney Tune From Everett January 17, 2021
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