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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

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Now That Summer’s Over, Man Realizes Friend With Boat Actually Kind Of A Dick

October 17, 2020 by Kevin Kelliher Leave a Comment

With warm weather behind us, Fred Smith of Harwich is in hot water, as his friends have started to remember he’s actually a total tool. “Now that it’s too cold for him to take us out on his boat every weekend, I’m honestly not sure what he’s bringing to the friend group,” says Andrew Grant, a seasonal buddy of Smith’s. “All he ever talks about is his high school hockey … [Read more...] about Now That Summer’s Over, Man Realizes Friend With Boat Actually Kind Of A Dick

‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition

September 25, 2020 by Kevin Kelliher

Medical experts were baffled on Wednesday after local Celtics fan Brad Barry arrived at the ER literally bleeding green. Barry, a self-proclaimed “wicked big Celtics fan,” appeared to have cut his face after trying to drink from a broken bottle of Sam Adams following the Celtics’ tragic loss earlier in the evening. “These brainiac doctors think I’m sick , but I keep … [Read more...] about ‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition

Chic Boston Apartment Has Exposed Brick, Exposed Light Bulbs, Exposed Asbestos

September 23, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

From exposed brick and wooden beams to incredibly toxic airborne asbestos, this chic Boston apartment really has everything. The studio’s modern style lays bare all of the typically unseen, sometimes carcinogenic structural framing, so you know exactly how you’re living, and exactly how you’ll die. “This place is so raw and open, kinda like me actually,” said tenant Edward … [Read more...] about Chic Boston Apartment Has Exposed Brick, Exposed Light Bulbs, Exposed Asbestos

Tufts University Buys Pornhub Premium For Every Freshman To Keep Students In Dorms

September 8, 2020 by The Boston Accent

In a move experts are calling “totally weird but kind of necessary,” Tufts University announced this week that they will be purchasing every first year student a Pornhub Premium account, intended to “keep them occupied for a while” so they don’t party.  “As an administration, our reopening plan is comprehensive and places student safety at its core,” said a school … [Read more...] about Tufts University Buys Pornhub Premium For Every Freshman To Keep Students In Dorms

EXCLUSIVE: We Interviewed The Elf Who Announces Each Stop For The MBTA

September 7, 2020 by Bailey Hull

BOSTON, MA – Ever wondered who reads the gargled MBTA stop names you strain to hear each morning? Look no further than Peppermint Sugarplum, the little elf who lives inside the T train speakers. This week, we tracked down the spritely and elusive elf for an exclusive interview about his job, life, and motivations. “My career started when the faeries, beasties, and elves were … [Read more...] about EXCLUSIVE: We Interviewed The Elf Who Announces Each Stop For The MBTA

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