In a move experts are calling “totally weird but kind of necessary,” Tufts University announced this week that they will be purchasing every first year student a Pornhub Premium account, intended to “keep them occupied for a while” so they don’t party.
“As an administration, our reopening plan is comprehensive and places student safety at its core,” said a school representative. “The more time our students spend alone doing…personal stress relief, the less time they will spend spreading the coronavirus. We saw what happened at Northeastern University.”
Student reactions to the announcement have been mixed; while some are applauding the move, others say it’s too little too late.
“I’ve have a Pornhub Premium account for years now, just like most Tufts students I know,” said user GoJumbos1337 on Reddit. “If the school really wanted to keep us busy and happy, they should invest in HBOMax. They do know pretty much all porn is free now, right? I could’ve used a couple seasons of The Soprano’s though.”
At press time, MIT announced they would be purchasing all freshman VR headsets “preloaded with tons of hentai.”
