Medical experts were baffled on Wednesday after local Celtics fan Brad Barry arrived at the ER literally bleeding green. Barry, a self-proclaimed “wicked big Celtics fan,” appeared to have cut his face after trying to drink from a broken bottle of Sam Adams following the Celtics’ tragic loss earlier in the evening. “These brainiac doctors think I’m sick , but I keep … [Read more...] about ‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition
the Boston accent
Chic Boston Apartment Has Exposed Brick, Exposed Light Bulbs, Exposed Asbestos
From exposed brick and wooden beams to incredibly toxic airborne asbestos, this chic Boston apartment really has everything. The studio’s modern style lays bare all of the typically unseen, sometimes carcinogenic structural framing, so you know exactly how you’re living, and exactly how you’ll die. “This place is so raw and open, kinda like me actually,” said tenant Edward … [Read more...] about Chic Boston Apartment Has Exposed Brick, Exposed Light Bulbs, Exposed Asbestos
Friend Assures You Visiting New Hampshire Will Actually Be Fun This Time
DEDHAM, MA - In a horrifying display of short-term memory, your dumbass friend has assured you a trip to New Hampshire will totally be fun this time around. “Come on, it’ll be great! We can do a few nights of camping in the White Mountains,” said the imbecile, seemingly forgetting about how you almost drowned in the Saco River after a failed canoe expedition last time you … [Read more...] about Friend Assures You Visiting New Hampshire Will Actually Be Fun This Time
Salem City Council Announces Progress On Coronavirus Counter-Curse
SALEM, MA — The city council of Salem announced on Tuesday they've made significant strides in the creation of a coronavirus counter-curse. “Good afternoon, my pretties,” began Councilwoman Sybil Gust in a live streamed press conference . “We are pleased to share that our COVID-19 counter-curse is only two full moons away from completion.” The counter-curse project has … [Read more...] about Salem City Council Announces Progress On Coronavirus Counter-Curse
Short Guy Just Happy He Has Nice Hair
"I may be five foot six, but my hair is fucking fantastic," said 31-year-old short guy Jason Cohen to himself in the mirror during his daily affirmation this morning. Cohen is the shortest one in his friend group, but also the only guy with a non-receding hairline, not to mention flowing, wavy locks that perfectly frame his face. "Life is going pretty okay for you, … [Read more...] about Short Guy Just Happy He Has Nice Hair