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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

satire

Man Starts Family, Builds House, Retires All While Sitting In Labor Day Cape Traffic

September 7, 2020 by Bailey Hull

Now 92 years old, the man finally reached Provincetown this morning, only to die of old age by afternoon. Headline by contributor Bailey Hull … [Read more...] about Man Starts Family, Builds House, Retires All While Sitting In Labor Day Cape Traffic

Biden Supplements Healthcare Plan By Sending Bernie Sanders Door-To-Door With Stethoscope

September 4, 2020 by Sam Allemang

Bernie with stethoscope

In a valiant effort to bolster his lackluster healthcare plan, Joe Biden has tapped former opponent Bernie Sanders to go door-to-door with a stethoscope and “give the millions of uninsured Americans a much-needed checkup.” “My friend Joe has asked me to see to it that every individual in our country has access to quality, affordable healthcare,” said the 78-year-old Vermont … [Read more...] about Biden Supplements Healthcare Plan By Sending Bernie Sanders Door-To-Door With Stethoscope

Local Dunkin’ Donuts Haunted By Ghost Of Baskin-Robbins

August 29, 2020 by Michael Tobin

“Ever since I started working here three weeks ago, a lot of strange things have been happening,” said a Dunkin’ staff member at a location in Needham, which like many stores formerly housed a Baskin-Robbins ice-cream shop. “It all seems to be coming from that empty counter over there, the eerie one that has spaces for thirty-one delicious flavors.” Though the Dunkin’ … [Read more...] about Local Dunkin’ Donuts Haunted By Ghost Of Baskin-Robbins

Northeastern University Move-In Day Great Practice For Move-Out Day In Two Weeks

August 21, 2020 by Alice H. Lahoda

"I picked Northeastern because of the diversity of the student body. There are students from all 50 states on campus, so I really look forward to experiencing 50 unique strains of COVID in the next few weeks," said Kriti Agarwal, a freshman from New Jersey. From contributor Alice H. Lahoda. Check out Alice on Medium, Twitter, and Instagram Image Copyright: @northeastern / … [Read more...] about Northeastern University Move-In Day Great Practice For Move-Out Day In Two Weeks

“Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit

August 20, 2020 by Alice H. Lahoda

In an unexpected move, Nancy Pelosi “totally punked” Massachusetts politicos on Thursday afternoon by endorsing Joe Kennedy III over incumbent Ed Markey in the Commonwealth’s hotly contested Democratic primary for US Senate. Her statement was widely met with confusion, as it contradicted the Democratic Party policy to endorse incumbent candidates. But according to unnamed … [Read more...] about “Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit

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  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025
  • Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston March 14, 2025

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