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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

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Rising Tuition Has Local Parents Wondering: Maybe My Teen Should Try The Smart Janitor Route Into College

March 30, 2022 by Matt McInerney

MEDFIELD, MA — Local parents Wilson and Laila Ryerson have been watching college tuition rise exponentially for years. They’re now starting to wonder if maybe their teenager would be open an alternate path into elite institutions. “So I'm looking at our college savings account and realized we've only got a couple more years to save and a long way to go. So I decided to start … [Read more...] about Rising Tuition Has Local Parents Wondering: Maybe My Teen Should Try The Smart Janitor Route Into College

How To Tell It’s Winter In New England

January 12, 2022 by Rodney Lacroix

New Englanders get to experience all four seasons, whether we like it or not. Sure, all states technically have a winter, but let’s be real: 65 degree evenings and slightly fewer alligator attacks don’t count (Cough…Florida…cough). Here are seven surefire ways you can tell a New England winter has officially arrived, without looking at the thermometer. One of the teens at … [Read more...] about How To Tell It’s Winter In New England

Denny’s Renames Grand Slam Meal In Houston Locations To Avoid Re-Traumatizing Astros Fans

October 18, 2021 by Tony Morse

After multiple complaints from distraught Astros fans, Denny’s has announced they are renaming the Grand Slam meal at all Houston locations to avoid further traumatizing baseball fans in the area. “Our restaurants are a safe space for everyone, including Astros fans watching this playoff series,” said a Denny’s spokesperson. “That’s why we are now calling the Grand Slam … [Read more...] about Denny’s Renames Grand Slam Meal In Houston Locations To Avoid Re-Traumatizing Astros Fans

Unvaccinated Cam Newton Gets First Dose Of Reality

August 31, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Sources say he’s expected to get some booster doses of reality in coming months too! … [Read more...] about Unvaccinated Cam Newton Gets First Dose Of Reality

Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern

November 17, 2020 by Will Vaillancourt

HEAVEN—Celtics legend Tommy Heinsohn, who passed away last Tuesday at the age of 86, spent his first week in heaven giving an earful to former NBA commissioner David Stern over decades of missed calls against his beloved team. Heinsohn’s arrival at the pearly gates—painted purple and gold, much to his chagrin—occurred only ten months after Stern’s passing. In fact, rumor has … [Read more...] about Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern

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Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways

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  • Maine Holding On To ‘Vacationland’ Title As If The Caribbean Doesn’t Exist May 17, 2022
  • Boston Fans Prep For Back-To-Back Game 7s By Sacrificing A Referee To The Ghost Of Sam Adams May 14, 2022
  • Local Man Giving Directions Only Tells You Where Location Isn’t May 14, 2022
  • With Massachusetts Legalizing Sports Betting, Rhode Island Economy Now Exclusively Based On Pizza Strips May 1, 2022

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