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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Matt McInerney

Rising Gas Prices Force Mainers To Switch To Moxie As Fuel

June 2, 2022 by Matt McInerney

Did you know that unleaded Moxie, while incredibly toxic, is 5x more powerful as a vehicle fueling agent than gasoline? Well, Mainers did! That’s why they’re buying the soda in bulk and filling up their trucks with it. Go get some while you still can! Results may vary. We claim no liability for any damages. … [Read more...] about Rising Gas Prices Force Mainers To Switch To Moxie As Fuel

Celtics Prepare For NBA Finals While Lakers Remind You To Check Out ‘Winning Time’

May 30, 2022 by Matt McInerney

After a crucial Game 7 victory over the Miami Heat, the Boston Celtics are headed back to the NBA finals for the first time since 2010. The team will now face the Golden State Warriors as they push for their 18th championship title. Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Lakers, who didn’t even make the playoffs, are curious if you’ve seen ‘Winning Time’ yet. President of the Los … [Read more...] about Celtics Prepare For NBA Finals While Lakers Remind You To Check Out ‘Winning Time’

Local Man Giving Directions Only Tells You Where Location Isn’t

May 14, 2022 by Matt McInerney

SEEKONK, Mass. — Donnie Kelley has been giving directions around these parts for years but, according to sources, never actually tells you where to go. One unlucky family recently had to learn the hard way. "Oh, so you're trying to get to the Shaws across the bridge from here, huh? Sure, I can help you get there. So what you're gonna wanna do is head down this street and … [Read more...] about Local Man Giving Directions Only Tells You Where Location Isn’t

With Massachusetts Legalizing Sports Betting, Rhode Island Economy Now Exclusively Based On Pizza Strips

May 1, 2022 by Matt McInerney

“I am proud to say that we believe this bill will become a model for responsible sports wagering in this country,” said Senate Ways and Means Chairman Michael Rodrigues. “It will also totally screw over Rhode Island, which has been a long-term goal of ours. And they really do deserve it for trying to remove the best part of a pizza and thinking they can get away with it.” … [Read more...] about With Massachusetts Legalizing Sports Betting, Rhode Island Economy Now Exclusively Based On Pizza Strips

Rising Tuition Has Local Parents Wondering: Maybe My Teen Should Try The Smart Janitor Route Into College

March 30, 2022 by Matt McInerney

MEDFIELD, MA — Local parents Wilson and Laila Ryerson have been watching college tuition rise exponentially for years. They’re now starting to wonder if maybe their teenager would be open an alternate path into elite institutions. “So I'm looking at our college savings account and realized we've only got a couple more years to save and a long way to go. So I decided to start … [Read more...] about Rising Tuition Has Local Parents Wondering: Maybe My Teen Should Try The Smart Janitor Route Into College

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  • Finally! All Performances Of Shakespeare On The Common To Be Translated Into ‘Bostonian English’ August 9, 2022
  • AC Unit Perched Precariously In Back Bay Brownstone Window Patiently Awaiting Chance To Crush Tourist August 7, 2022
  • Williams Graduate Pretty Pretentious About Going To A ‘Little Ivy,’ Whatever That Means August 4, 2022
  • MBTA Starts GoFundMe For Out Of Work Orange Line August 3, 2022

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