What began as a boon for the Maine oyster industry has quickly soured as the demand for pearls that Senator Susan Collins can clutch has far exceeded supply. "When Senator Collins was attacked for her response to Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination, we knew she'd be calling us for a necklace’s worth of clutching pearls," said Jim Daniels of the Maine Oyster Farmers … [Read more...] about Maine Oyster Farmers Struggle To Meet Susan Collins’ Pearl-Clutching Demands
National News
Out Of Shows To Watch On Netflix? Experts Suggest Banging Your Head Repeatedly Against Wall
Are you tired of rewatching Cheers on Netflix in fruitless attempts to produce some much needed serotonin? Experts from Harvard are now recommending that you bang your head “over and over” against a wall instead. “After multiple clinical trials, we have proven that smashing your head against a wall is actually healthier than watching Avatar The Last Airbender for the 50th … [Read more...] about Out Of Shows To Watch On Netflix? Experts Suggest Banging Your Head Repeatedly Against Wall
Salem City Council Announces Progress On Coronavirus Counter-Curse
SALEM, MA — The city council of Salem announced on Tuesday they've made significant strides in the creation of a coronavirus counter-curse. “Good afternoon, my pretties,” began Councilwoman Sybil Gust in a live streamed press conference . “We are pleased to share that our COVID-19 counter-curse is only two full moons away from completion.” The counter-curse project has … [Read more...] about Salem City Council Announces Progress On Coronavirus Counter-Curse
Short Guy Just Happy He Has Nice Hair
"I may be five foot six, but my hair is fucking fantastic," said 31-year-old short guy Jason Cohen to himself in the mirror during his daily affirmation this morning. Cohen is the shortest one in his friend group, but also the only guy with a non-receding hairline, not to mention flowing, wavy locks that perfectly frame his face. "Life is going pretty okay for you, … [Read more...] about Short Guy Just Happy He Has Nice Hair
Marcus Smart Spotted Dumping Dead Hopes And Dreams Of Raptors Into Charles River
The star Celtics player, whose crucial block late in the fourth quarter murdered any chance of a Toronto championship repeat, said it was an honor to dispose of the Raptors remains into Boston's largest trash repository. … [Read more...] about Marcus Smart Spotted Dumping Dead Hopes And Dreams Of Raptors Into Charles River