"I may be five foot six, but my hair is fucking fantastic," said 31-year-old short guy Jason Cohen to himself in the mirror during his daily affirmation this morning. Cohen is the shortest one in his friend group, but also the only guy with a non-receding hairline, not to mention flowing, wavy locks that perfectly frame his face. "Life is going pretty okay for you, … [Read more...] about Short Guy Just Happy He Has Nice Hair
National News
Marcus Smart Spotted Dumping Dead Hopes And Dreams Of Raptors Into Charles River
The star Celtics player, whose crucial block late in the fourth quarter murdered any chance of a Toronto championship repeat, said it was an honor to dispose of the Raptors remains into Boston's largest trash repository. … [Read more...] about Marcus Smart Spotted Dumping Dead Hopes And Dreams Of Raptors Into Charles River
Biden Supplements Healthcare Plan By Sending Bernie Sanders Door-To-Door With Stethoscope
In a valiant effort to bolster his lackluster healthcare plan, Joe Biden has tapped former opponent Bernie Sanders to go door-to-door with a stethoscope and “give the millions of uninsured Americans a much-needed checkup.” “My friend Joe has asked me to see to it that every individual in our country has access to quality, affordable healthcare,” said the 78-year-old Vermont … [Read more...] about Biden Supplements Healthcare Plan By Sending Bernie Sanders Door-To-Door With Stethoscope
Local Uncle Convinced Ghislaine Maxwell Is Tom Brady’s Wife, Refuses To Google It
“I don’t care what people are saying about her, that woman came all the way from Brazil to support Brady through 4 Super Bowl wins,” said your woefully misinformed uncle. “And more importantly, she’s an absolute smokeshow. You know she modeled for Victoria’s Secret, right?” Written by contributor Michael Tobin. Check out Michael on Instagram and Twitter … [Read more...] about Local Uncle Convinced Ghislaine Maxwell Is Tom Brady’s Wife, Refuses To Google It
“Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit
In an unexpected move, Nancy Pelosi “totally punked” Massachusetts politicos on Thursday afternoon by endorsing Joe Kennedy III over incumbent Ed Markey in the Commonwealth’s hotly contested Democratic primary for US Senate. Her statement was widely met with confusion, as it contradicted the Democratic Party policy to endorse incumbent candidates. But according to unnamed … [Read more...] about “Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit