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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

Culture

EXCLUSIVE: We Interviewed The Elf Who Announces Each Stop For The MBTA

September 7, 2020 by Bailey Hull

BOSTON, MA – Ever wondered who reads the gargled MBTA stop names you strain to hear each morning? Look no further than Peppermint Sugarplum, the little elf who lives inside the T train speakers. This week, we tracked down the spritely and elusive elf for an exclusive interview about his job, life, and motivations. “My career started when the faeries, beasties, and elves were … [Read more...] about EXCLUSIVE: We Interviewed The Elf Who Announces Each Stop For The MBTA

Man Starts Family, Builds House, Retires All While Sitting In Labor Day Cape Traffic

September 7, 2020 by Bailey Hull

Now 92 years old, the man finally reached Provincetown this morning, only to die of old age by afternoon. Headline by contributor Bailey Hull … [Read more...] about Man Starts Family, Builds House, Retires All While Sitting In Labor Day Cape Traffic

School “Just Outside Boston” Now “Just Inside Internet”

August 18, 2020 by The Boston Accent

Harvard Online

Due to the ongoing pandemic, the elite institution located “just outside of Boston” can now be found “just inside the Internet.” To make sure online-only students don’t miss out on the experience of humble bragging about going to Harvard, the university released guidance for students looking for new ways to fake humility about their school in conversation.  “There are … [Read more...] about School “Just Outside Boston” Now “Just Inside Internet”

Defunded Boston PD Forced To Cut Mark Wahlberg, Leonardo DiCaprio From Payroll

August 7, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

The Boston Police Department announced Friday that due to budget cuts, they will be forced to lay off actors Mark Wahlberg and Leonardo Dicaprio from their payroll.  “Recent calls for police reform have put pressure on the department to make difficult funding decisions,” said Chief of Police Mike O’Connor in a press conference. “ We hate to do it, but we have to let … [Read more...] about Defunded Boston PD Forced To Cut Mark Wahlberg, Leonardo DiCaprio From Payroll

Eliot From Jordan’s Furniture Commercials Loses All Strength After Cutting Ponytail

August 4, 2020 by Michael Tobin

Until recently, Eliot Tatelman--the face of iconic New England chain Jordan's Furniture--was known amongst friends to be somewhat of a Samson type. “I once saw him lift an entire Beautyrest Mattress clear over his head and spin it on one finger,” tweeted a former employee of Tatelman just last week. It all went wrong when Eliot attempted to give himself a quarantine … [Read more...] about Eliot From Jordan’s Furniture Commercials Loses All Strength After Cutting Ponytail

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

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