Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29
Massachusetts
“Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit
In an unexpected move, Nancy Pelosi “totally punked” Massachusetts politicos on Thursday afternoon by endorsing Joe Kennedy III over incumbent Ed Markey in the Commonwealth’s hotly contested Democratic primary for US Senate. Her statement was widely met with confusion, as it contradicted the Democratic Party policy to endorse incumbent candidates. But according to unnamed … [Read more...] about “Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit
Joe Kennedy Reveals New Campaign Strategy: Say “Kennedy” As Often As Possible
During last week's debate with incumbent Ed Markey, Joe Kennedy III leaned into his newest and, frankly, best campaign strategy: repeating his prestigious name as many times as humanly possible. The Senate-hopeful, who is the grandson of Robert F. Kennedy, reminded the audience of that fact at least two dozen times. Each mention of RFK generated eardrum-shattering amounts of … [Read more...] about Joe Kennedy Reveals New Campaign Strategy: Say “Kennedy” As Often As Possible
Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans
“Yeah, we’re gonna pass on eating you this year,” said shark commissioner Larry Bytes, wearing a mask as he spoke to human reporters. We’ll stick to eating safe things, like seals and pieces of plastic.” … [Read more...] about Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans
Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways
STATE HOUSE, BOSTON--In an unexpected but, honestly, totally valid move, Commonwealth legislators announced on Monday they are "actively considering" changing the name of Massachusetts to Boston. "No one from outside New England can name a single place in Massachusetts besides Boston--so why don't we just lean into that?" said one lawmaker, who lives in Medford but tells all … [Read more...] about Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways