The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Massachusetts

Santa Reminds Mass Residents That “Less Traffic On 95” Is Not A Realistic Gift

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BRAINTREE, MA — We caught up with the big man himself, Santa Claus, who gave us a rundown of the most popular gift requests in the Bay State. Near the top of the list were expected requests, like Playstation 5’s, iPhone 13’s, and a real point guard for the Celtics. But what topped that list this year? Something Father Christmas sadly wants to remind residents he can’t actually … [Read more...] about Santa Reminds Mass Residents That “Less Traffic On 95” Is Not A Realistic Gift

Mass Residents Prepare For SnowBy Identifying Which Neighbors Will Shovel Out A Spot They Can Steal

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“I actually started the winter parking hunt on Halloween by seeing which neighbors give out what,” explained Fred Ferreiro of Fall River. “The full size candy bar givers are people that will dig out a spot, but they’ll also call the cops. I was on the lookout for people that gave out handfuls because they’re responsible enough to be stocked up but also pushovers.” … [Read more...] about Mass Residents Prepare For SnowBy Identifying Which Neighbors Will Shovel Out A Spot They Can Steal

Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29

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Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29

“Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit

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In an unexpected move, Nancy Pelosi “totally punked” Massachusetts politicos on Thursday afternoon by endorsing Joe Kennedy III over incumbent Ed Markey in the Commonwealth’s hotly contested Democratic primary for US Senate. Her statement was widely met with confusion, as it contradicted the Democratic Party policy to endorse incumbent candidates. But according to unnamed … [Read more...] about “Comedic Genius” Nancy Pelosi Endorses Joe Kennedy As A Bit