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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

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Suffolk University Tour Guide Tries His Hardest Not To Let Visitors Catch Glimpse Of Other Better Schools

September 28, 2021 by Kevin Kelliher

“It’s really hard to keep a group focused on our school when there are like 10 other better ones that are visible at any given time on our tour,” sighed exasperated Suffolk tour guide Andrew Fields. “One wrong turn and ‘Boom!’ They see Emerson. Or we accidentally walk by Tufts medical school without me even realizing it. Not to mention most of the time our tour attendees took … [Read more...] about Suffolk University Tour Guide Tries His Hardest Not To Let Visitors Catch Glimpse Of Other Better Schools

Bostonians Panic Over Lack Of Equivocating White Men In Mayoral Election

September 13, 2021 by The Boston Accent

BOSTON—Recent polling results suggest that citizens of Boston are increasingly worried about the startling lack of blah, noncommittal white men running for mayor in this year’s election. In a historic first for the city, the mayoral race includes approximately zero confused-looking middle-aged white dudes spouting nonsense and palaver. Reports suggest many voters are … [Read more...] about Bostonians Panic Over Lack Of Equivocating White Men In Mayoral Election

Gov. Baker Announces Boston’s Nonexistent Nightlife Can Finally Reopen

May 30, 2021 by Nick Carter

BOSTON—Slowly pumping his fist behind the podium, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Boston’s virtually nonexistent nightlife could finally reopen this weekend.  “Over the past year, the late-night social scene of our capital city has been stunted by the pandemic. I’m excited to usher in a return to normalcy by opening all clubs and bars back to their former glory of … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Boston’s Nonexistent Nightlife Can Finally Reopen

Cod Dinner On Good Friday Tasked With Undoing Entire Year Of Catholic Guilt

April 2, 2021 by The Boston Accent

May your one ceremonial dinner cleanse your filthy soul. Photo credit: Pew … [Read more...] about Cod Dinner On Good Friday Tasked With Undoing Entire Year Of Catholic Guilt

Not To Be Outdone By Chicago, Boston Dyes Marty Walsh Green For Saint Patrick’s Day

March 17, 2021 by Kevin Kelliher

In response to the annual dyeing of the Chicago River, Boston has one-upped the Windy City by turning Mayor Marty Walsh green. “We thought it was about time to develop our own green tradition, and I happened to have a bunch of food coloring left over from my niece’s rainbow themed birthday party,” said the shamrock colored mayor. “I honestly kinda like it—makes me feel like … [Read more...] about Not To Be Outdone By Chicago, Boston Dyes Marty Walsh Green For Saint Patrick’s Day

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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