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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

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Defunded Boston PD Forced To Cut Mark Wahlberg, Leonardo DiCaprio From Payroll

August 7, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

The Boston Police Department announced Friday that due to budget cuts, they will be forced to lay off actors Mark Wahlberg and Leonardo Dicaprio from their payroll.  “Recent calls for police reform have put pressure on the department to make difficult funding decisions,” said Chief of Police Mike O’Connor in a press conference. “ We hate to do it, but we have to let … [Read more...] about Defunded Boston PD Forced To Cut Mark Wahlberg, Leonardo DiCaprio From Payroll

Gordon Hayward Misses Mark With Protest Jersey About Gaming

July 31, 2020 by The Boston Accent

As his Celtics teammates wore jerseys sporting uplifting messages of protest like “Black Lives Matter,” “Equality,” and “Liberation” during the NBA season restart, Hayward used his platform to express strong opinions about video games. “I’m a huge gamer, and I don’t think Americans talk enough about how superior Fortnite is to Call of Duty Warzone,” said the NBA player … [Read more...] about Gordon Hayward Misses Mark With Protest Jersey About Gaming

Study Finds Worst Part Of Living In Boston Is Having To Pretend You Like Samuel Adams

July 30, 2020 by The Boston Accent

In a study published this week, Harvard researchers reported more than 8 in 10 Bostonians are sick of pretending they like Sam Adams or any of its products. Yet when interviewed by The Boston Accent, most of the participants lied right to our fucking face. “Boston Lager tastes amazing, and I’m not just saying that,” said 28-year-old study participant and lying asshat Pete … [Read more...] about Study Finds Worst Part Of Living In Boston Is Having To Pretend You Like Samuel Adams

“Boston Is Not Racist,” Says White Man Who’s Afraid To Visit Dorchester

July 30, 2020 by The Boston Accent

“I’ve just heard Dorchester is a dangerous place, that’s all,” said Tim Mayor, who has lived in Seaport for three years and has never taken the T for fear of getting mugged. “But that doesn’t make me racist—I almost voted for Ayanna Pressley!” … [Read more...] about “Boston Is Not Racist,” Says White Man Who’s Afraid To Visit Dorchester

Northeastern Student Finally Finishes 10-Year-Long Co-op

July 29, 2020 by The Boston Accent

“I wanted to take my time and make sure I did the co-op thing right. Experiential learning is all about experiencing, y’know?” The 31-year-old , who was laid off from his decade long unpaid internship due to the coronavirus pandemic, says he’s excited to graduate into a recession just like his classmates did in 2010. … [Read more...] about Northeastern Student Finally Finishes 10-Year-Long Co-op

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

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