According to a whistleblower, New England sports media elites across all networks are conspiring to suppress attention to the New England Revolution, Boston’s oft-forgotten MLS team. “It’s a farce I tell you, the media doesn’t want you to know the Revolution exists,” claimed the whistleblower, who added they definitely are not a member of the soccer team. “We, I mean they, … [Read more...] about The New England Revolution Will Not Be Televised
Sports
Gordon Hayward Abandons Any Shot At Future Championship For Chance To Live In A Red State
This week, Gordon Hayward committed to a massive four-year, $120 million contract with the Charlotte Hornets, tossing away any hope of a ring in the foreseeable future. Still, the humongous payout is second in importance to Gordon, who says he's just happy to fulfill his dream of moving back to Trump's America. "Boston was nice I guess, but I really won't miss it," admitted … [Read more...] about Gordon Hayward Abandons Any Shot At Future Championship For Chance To Live In A Red State
Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern
HEAVEN—Celtics legend Tommy Heinsohn, who passed away last Tuesday at the age of 86, spent his first week in heaven giving an earful to former NBA commissioner David Stern over decades of missed calls against his beloved team. Heinsohn’s arrival at the pearly gates—painted purple and gold, much to his chagrin—occurred only ten months after Stern’s passing. In fact, rumor has … [Read more...] about Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern
Bill Belichick Refuses To Concede Last Week’s Loss To Buffalo Bills
Patriots coach Bill Belichick announced today that he continues to dispute the official results of last Sunday’s matchup with the Buffalo Bills. Belichick made the statement during a press conference with reporters from the Boston Herald this morning, held in the parking lot out front of the big Home Depot in Somerville, next to I-93. “These are just preliminary results,” a … [Read more...] about Bill Belichick Refuses To Concede Last Week’s Loss To Buffalo Bills
Now That Pats Suck, Local Man Has No Choice But To Get To Know Family
With the New England Patriots recording their worst season in nearly 20 years, local Braintree man Mikey Brown has surprisingly found himself getting to know his family. “The Pats have just been good for so long that I haven’t had a lazy Sunday in years. Now I’m looking around and realizing I should probably get to know my kids,” he added. Brown’s children, ages 5 and 9, … [Read more...] about Now That Pats Suck, Local Man Has No Choice But To Get To Know Family