In a surprise conference today, 6’6 Charlie Baker revealed he will not seek re-election as Governor of Massachusetts and will instead pursue his lifelong dream of playing basketball on his beloved Boston Celtics. “This politics thing was fun while it lasted, but truthfully, it’s not my passion. Ball is life, and it’s time I finally pursue my real dreams—I used to play for … [Read more...] about Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics
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Goy Vey! “Jewish” Friend Can’t Remember What Night Of Hanukkah It Is
It’s literally night 1, Lauren. Doesn’t your iPhone tell you that? You know, the one your parents bought you last year…for Hanukkah. … [Read more...] about Goy Vey! “Jewish” Friend Can’t Remember What Night Of Hanukkah It Is
Rival Turkey Gangs From Cambridge And Brookline Declare Thanksgiving Truce
Leaders of the constantly at war turkey gangs the Brookline Byrdz and the Cambridge Clucks announced this evening a historic Thanksgiving ceasefire to commemorate fallen turkey brothers and sisters, our on the ground reporters confirmed. “We’ve lost too many bad Byrdz to this so called ‘holiday’,” said leader OG Snoody Pecks. “Today, we will set our differences aside and … [Read more...] about Rival Turkey Gangs From Cambridge And Brookline Declare Thanksgiving Truce
Failed GOP Candidate Scott Brown Sees Senator Leahy’s Retirement As Chance To Lose In New State
On Monday, Senator Patrick Leahy jolted Vermonters and Washington power brokers alike with his announcement of a plan to retire. With partisan control of the Senate at stake, Leahy’s announcement is drawing attention from serious politicians, as well as Scott Brown. “Wow, Vermont? I’ve never lost a race there before,” remarked Brown as he googled how to establish residency … [Read more...] about Failed GOP Candidate Scott Brown Sees Senator Leahy’s Retirement As Chance To Lose In New State
‘OUR DYNASTY IS OFFICIALLY BACK!’ Proclaims Pats Nation After 4-Game Win Streak
FOXBOROUGH, MA – After Mac Jones threw 3 touchdown passes to lead the Patriots to a 45-7 victory over the Browns, Patriots fans all over New England proclaimed bragging rights to their newly confirmed football dynasty, who surely will never lose again. “Four in a row, baby! Gas up the Duck Boats!” yelled one fan outfitted head to toe in Patriots gear, standing on the hood of … [Read more...] about ‘OUR DYNASTY IS OFFICIALLY BACK!’ Proclaims Pats Nation After 4-Game Win Streak