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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

satire

Georgia Engulfed In Blue Wave 5 Years Earlier Than Climate Scientists Expected

January 6, 2021 by Jack Stebbins

ATLANTA – The victories of Senators-Elect Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff have submerged the state of Georgia in a blue wave years earlier than climate scientists expected. “I thought the first time I would see a blue Georgia would be from a boat,” said 27-year-old resident Erica Sawyer. “Our coastline has been eroding fast, but this flood came way ahead of schedule.” In a … [Read more...] about Georgia Engulfed In Blue Wave 5 Years Earlier Than Climate Scientists Expected

‘I Got Into Dartmouth!’ Exclaims New Hampshire Man Who Just Broke Into School’s Library

December 30, 2020 by The Boston Accent

This is really a dream come true. I’ve been studying years for this very moment! I can’t believe I got into Dartmouth. Their library, to be exact. My family is going to be so proud when I tell them I finally figured out how to pick that stupid side door lock of the Baker Memorial Library. My first choice! These old dry books are going to make great kindling. We’re having a … [Read more...] about ‘I Got Into Dartmouth!’ Exclaims New Hampshire Man Who Just Broke Into School’s Library

College President Pounds A Forty To Unwind As Students Head Home To Become Parents’ Problem

December 11, 2020 by The Boston Accent

After spending millions on testing and contact tracing to prevent COVID spread on campuses, college presidents and administrators around the country are breathing a collective sigh of relief as they wave goodbye to the last students leaving for Winter Break. “I hope they make good choices but frankly, I am so exhausted I could not care less,” said a local college president, … [Read more...] about College President Pounds A Forty To Unwind As Students Head Home To Become Parents’ Problem

Succulent Thriving On No Water And Zero Attention, Unlike You

December 8, 2020 by The Boston Accent

As made clear by its waxy sheen and plump leaves, your succulent is absolutely loving its total lack of hydration and dearth of love and affection. It’s too bad those same conditions are literally killing you. … [Read more...] about Succulent Thriving On No Water And Zero Attention, Unlike You

The New England Revolution Will Not Be Televised

December 6, 2020 by Jake Margolin

According to a whistleblower, New England sports media elites across all networks are conspiring to suppress attention to the New England Revolution, Boston’s oft-forgotten MLS team. “It’s a farce I tell you, the media doesn’t want you to know the Revolution exists,” claimed the whistleblower, who added they definitely are not a member of the soccer team. “We, I mean they, … [Read more...] about The New England Revolution Will Not Be Televised

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

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  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025
  • Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston March 14, 2025

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