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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

boston sports

How To Tell Your Father You Love Him Via Boston Sports Headlines

March 20, 2022 by Matt McInerney

Real talk is hard. All of the eye contact and opening up—wouldn't it be easier to shoot the shit about inconsequential sports news while you watch the game together? That’s why we're here to help. Do you have some important things you've been waiting to say to your father figure but you're just not great at expressing yourself? Here’s how to tell your dad you love him and … [Read more...] about How To Tell Your Father You Love Him Via Boston Sports Headlines

‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition

October 20, 2021 by Kevin Kelliher

Medical experts were baffled on Wednesday after local Celtics fan Brad Barry arrived at the ER literally bleeding green. “Tonight’s the first night of the season and I’m stuck at Mass General for some nothing nosebleed, this is total BS,” said Barry, dripping viridian blood all over his Marcus Smart jersey. “These brainiac doctors think I’m sick, but I keep telling them … [Read more...] about ‘I Bleed Green!’ Says Celtics Fan With Pretty Serious Medical Condition

Marcus Smart Spotted Dumping Dead Hopes And Dreams Of Raptors Into Charles River

September 12, 2020 by The Boston Accent

The star Celtics player, whose crucial block late in the fourth quarter murdered any chance of a Toronto championship repeat, said it was an honor to dispose of the Raptors remains into Boston's largest trash repository. … [Read more...] about Marcus Smart Spotted Dumping Dead Hopes And Dreams Of Raptors Into Charles River

Heartbreaking: Celtics Reluctantly Confirm Mascot Lucky The Leprechaun Is An Anti-Vaxxer

July 27, 2020 by Ben Loftus Leave a Comment

“We regret to inform our Boston sports fans that Lucky is, indeed, canonically opposed to all vaccinations,” announced Celtics GM Danny Ainge, confirming the rumor floating around Twitter this week. “When the mascot was created more than 50 years ago, everyone hated all immunizations—especially Bostonians. It was a different time and Lucky reflects that. Ainge quietly added … [Read more...] about Heartbreaking: Celtics Reluctantly Confirm Mascot Lucky The Leprechaun Is An Anti-Vaxxer

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The Latest

Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways

July 22, 2020

Boston Fans Prep For Back-To-Back Game 7s By Sacrificing A Referee To The Ghost Of Sam Adams

May 14, 2022

Local Man Giving Directions Only Tells You Where Location Isn’t

May 14, 2022

With Massachusetts Legalizing Sports Betting, Rhode Island Economy Now Exclusively Based On Pizza Strips

May 1, 2022

Sports

Celtics Fan Who Just Spilt Entire Beer On His Toddler Can’t Believe Son Had To Witness Kyrie Irving’s Middle Finger

April 18, 2022

College

Brave Harvard Student Steps Out In Public Not Wearing Single Item Of Harvard Branded Clothing

April 5, 2022

National

Maine Holding On To ‘Vacationland’ Title As If The Caribbean Doesn’t Exist

May 17, 2022

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

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Recent

  • Maine Holding On To ‘Vacationland’ Title As If The Caribbean Doesn’t Exist May 17, 2022
  • Boston Fans Prep For Back-To-Back Game 7s By Sacrificing A Referee To The Ghost Of Sam Adams May 14, 2022
  • Local Man Giving Directions Only Tells You Where Location Isn’t May 14, 2022
  • With Massachusetts Legalizing Sports Betting, Rhode Island Economy Now Exclusively Based On Pizza Strips May 1, 2022

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