The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

National News

Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern

by

HEAVEN—Celtics legend Tommy Heinsohn, who passed away last Tuesday at the age of 86, spent his first week in heaven giving an earful to former NBA commissioner David Stern over decades of missed calls against his beloved team. Heinsohn’s arrival at the pearly gates—painted purple and gold, much to his chagrin—occurred only ten months after Stern’s passing. In fact, rumor has … [Read more...] about Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern

Trillions Of Trump Supporters Protest For An Accurate Count

by

WASHINGTON, DC — Trillions of Trump supporters have marched on Washington D.C. demanding an accurate count of the Presidential election. The protest is approximated to be largest gathering of humans ever, and the crowd is united over one goal: to make sure that every legal vote in the presidential election is correctly quantified. “The 2.3 trillion of us only want one … [Read more...] about Trillions Of Trump Supporters Protest For An Accurate Count

Nation Unsure What To Do With Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Pennsylvania Counties

by

Following 96 straight hours of election coverage, the citizens of the United States are now unsure what to do with their newfound encyclopedic knowledge of every county in the state of Pennsylvania. Since Tuesday, news outlets across the nation have provided a 24/7 crash course on the detailed geography of the Keystone State. Americans have devoured mountains of data about … [Read more...] about Nation Unsure What To Do With Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Pennsylvania Counties