Esra Danville of Vermont’s Northeast Kingdom spent the last few weeks doing what he normally does: canning and pickling vegetables, butchering one of his cows, and chopping 3 large trees worth of firewood to heat his remote cabin this winter. It wasn’t until he turned on Vermont Public Radio that he discovered the state was on lockdown again due to rising cases of Covid-19. … [Read more...] about ‘Wait, We’re On Lockdown Again?’ Asks Vermonter Who Hasn’t Seen Another Human In Months Anyway
National News
Trump Transition Team Assures Nation Of Smooth Transition To Autocracy
Despite losing the presidential election, the Trump administration announced today they will ensure the transition of America from a democracy to a monarchical autocracy proceeds as seemlessly as possible. We would like to guarantee all Americans that the nation will smoothly shift from the administration of President Trump to the eternal dynasty of King Trump I,” said … [Read more...] about Trump Transition Team Assures Nation Of Smooth Transition To Autocracy
Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern
HEAVEN—Celtics legend Tommy Heinsohn, who passed away last Tuesday at the age of 86, spent his first week in heaven giving an earful to former NBA commissioner David Stern over decades of missed calls against his beloved team. Heinsohn’s arrival at the pearly gates—painted purple and gold, much to his chagrin—occurred only ten months after Stern’s passing. In fact, rumor has … [Read more...] about Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern
Trillions Of Trump Supporters Protest For An Accurate Count
WASHINGTON, DC — Trillions of Trump supporters have marched on Washington D.C. demanding an accurate count of the Presidential election. The protest is approximated to be largest gathering of humans ever, and the crowd is united over one goal: to make sure that every legal vote in the presidential election is correctly quantified. “The 2.3 trillion of us only want one … [Read more...] about Trillions Of Trump Supporters Protest For An Accurate Count
Nation Unsure What To Do With Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Pennsylvania Counties
Following 96 straight hours of election coverage, the citizens of the United States are now unsure what to do with their newfound encyclopedic knowledge of every county in the state of Pennsylvania. Since Tuesday, news outlets across the nation have provided a 24/7 crash course on the detailed geography of the Keystone State. Americans have devoured mountains of data about … [Read more...] about Nation Unsure What To Do With Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Pennsylvania Counties