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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

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Kink-Shaming? I Got Kicked Out Of CVS For Wearing My Fishnet Mask

November 21, 2020 by The Boston Accent

I can’t believe this. I thought it was 2020, and I could choose how to dress without judgement or persecution. Apparently not. Because when I walked into CVS with my fishnet mask, I was asked to leave immediately! I simply don’t understand the problem. The sexy mask goes over my nose and mouth. And sure, it shows a little skin, and my lips, and both my nostrils, but why … [Read more...] about Kink-Shaming? I Got Kicked Out Of CVS For Wearing My Fishnet Mask

‘Wait, We’re On Lockdown Again?’ Asks Vermonter Who Hasn’t Seen Another Human In Months Anyway

November 19, 2020 by Zack Borst

Esra Danville of Vermont’s Northeast Kingdom spent the last few weeks doing what he normally does: canning and pickling vegetables, butchering one of his cows, and chopping 3 large trees worth of firewood to heat his remote cabin this winter. It wasn’t until he turned on Vermont Public Radio that he discovered the state was on lockdown again due to rising cases of Covid-19. … [Read more...] about ‘Wait, We’re On Lockdown Again?’ Asks Vermonter Who Hasn’t Seen Another Human In Months Anyway

Trump Transition Team Assures Nation Of Smooth Transition To Autocracy

November 18, 2020 by The Boston Accent

Despite losing the presidential election, the Trump administration announced today they will ensure the transition of America from a democracy to a monarchical autocracy proceeds as seemlessly as possible. We would like to guarantee all Americans that the nation will smoothly shift from the administration of President Trump to the eternal dynasty of King Trump I,” said … [Read more...] about Trump Transition Team Assures Nation Of Smooth Transition To Autocracy

Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern

November 17, 2020 by Will Vaillancourt

HEAVEN—Celtics legend Tommy Heinsohn, who passed away last Tuesday at the age of 86, spent his first week in heaven giving an earful to former NBA commissioner David Stern over decades of missed calls against his beloved team. Heinsohn’s arrival at the pearly gates—painted purple and gold, much to his chagrin—occurred only ten months after Stern’s passing. In fact, rumor has … [Read more...] about Tommy Heinsohn Spends First Week In Heaven Reading List Of Missed Calls Against Celtics To David Stern

Trillions Of Trump Supporters Protest For An Accurate Count

November 14, 2020 by Jack Stebbins

WASHINGTON, DC — Trillions of Trump supporters have marched on Washington D.C. demanding an accurate count of the Presidential election. The protest is approximated to be largest gathering of humans ever, and the crowd is united over one goal: to make sure that every legal vote in the presidential election is correctly quantified. “The 2.3 trillion of us only want one … [Read more...] about Trillions Of Trump Supporters Protest For An Accurate Count

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

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