Beware: a New Englander is at their most powerful in these circumstances. Steal their shoveled parking spot with extra caution, or you might get frozen alive by their ice breath. … [Read more...] about Man Drinking Cold Brew During Snowstorm Like Some Sort Of Ice Wizard
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Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box
QUINCY—To celebrate Governor Charlie Baker’s two terms as head of the Bay State, Dunkin’ Donuts announced today the release of the “Baker’s Dozen”—13 donuts squeezed right in the middle of the box, with none of them falling too far to the right and none of them falling too far to the left. When asked if having so many donuts stuffed square in the center would limit their … [Read more...] about Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box
Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics
In a surprise conference today, 6’6 Charlie Baker revealed he will not seek re-election as Governor of Massachusetts and will instead pursue his lifelong dream of playing basketball on his beloved Boston Celtics. “This politics thing was fun while it lasted, but truthfully, it’s not my passion. Ball is life, and it’s time I finally pursue my real dreams—I used to play for … [Read more...] about Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics
Failed GOP Candidate Scott Brown Sees Senator Leahy’s Retirement As Chance To Lose In New State
On Monday, Senator Patrick Leahy jolted Vermonters and Washington power brokers alike with his announcement of a plan to retire. With partisan control of the Senate at stake, Leahy’s announcement is drawing attention from serious politicians, as well as Scott Brown. “Wow, Vermont? I’ve never lost a race there before,” remarked Brown as he googled how to establish residency … [Read more...] about Failed GOP Candidate Scott Brown Sees Senator Leahy’s Retirement As Chance To Lose In New State
‘OUR DYNASTY IS OFFICIALLY BACK!’ Proclaims Pats Nation After 4-Game Win Streak
FOXBOROUGH, MA – After Mac Jones threw 3 touchdown passes to lead the Patriots to a 45-7 victory over the Browns, Patriots fans all over New England proclaimed bragging rights to their newly confirmed football dynasty, who surely will never lose again. “Four in a row, baby! Gas up the Duck Boats!” yelled one fan outfitted head to toe in Patriots gear, standing on the hood of … [Read more...] about ‘OUR DYNASTY IS OFFICIALLY BACK!’ Proclaims Pats Nation After 4-Game Win Streak