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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

satire

Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now

February 27, 2021 by Malt Schlitzman

BOSTON—This Friday, leaders in the fields of art, writing, and photography collectively agreed that if your work was any good, you’d already be famous. According to one professor who spoke under conditions of anonymity, "It's impressive how long you’ve been committed to this one pursuit given the negligible impact you’ve made, I will say that. Maybe channel that passion into … [Read more...] about Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now

Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

February 14, 2021 by Alicia Devereaux

Ever wanted to wed a wealthy Cantabrigian and inherit their family’s fortune? Who hasn’t! Unfortunately, courting an Ivy League suitor is harder than it may seem—especially if you don’t go to, ahem, a small school just outside of Boston. But fear not! Here are some tried and true tips that will help you seduce the rich Harvard student of your parent’s dreams. Mention you … [Read more...] about Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

Opinion: Moxie Is Actually Delicious If You Enjoy The Taste Of Gasoline

February 6, 2021 by The Boston Accent

I love Moxie! It’s the best soda around. I also love the taste of premium unleaded BP gasoline. These two things are unrelated in my opinion. … [Read more...] about Opinion: Moxie Is Actually Delicious If You Enjoy The Taste Of Gasoline

Jeff Bezos Purchases Nice, Quiet Retirement Country

February 3, 2021 by The Boston Accent

"I'm not too picky, and this is a fixer-upper island nation for sure,” said the retiree. “But with some elbow grease and an innovation mindset, I can have this country running as a nice little oligarchy in a couple years, tops.” Tragically, Bezos says he will only be able to afford a single, modest retirement country instead of an entire continent, although he’s just $5 … [Read more...] about Jeff Bezos Purchases Nice, Quiet Retirement Country

Cute! This Connecticut Woman Has Opinions On Massachusetts Drivers

January 30, 2021 by Alice H. Lahoda

WORCESTER, Mass.—On Saturday afternoon, Connecticut resident Joan Pittman called into WGBH while driving on the Mass Pike, certain that listeners wanted to hear her Connecticuttian thoughts on Massachusetts drivers. “Why is it that every time I drive through this place, it seems like the entire state–sorry, Commonwealth–is on the road? It’s a pandemic! Where are you going?” … [Read more...] about Cute! This Connecticut Woman Has Opinions On Massachusetts Drivers

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

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  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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