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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

satire

Northeastern Student Finally Finishes 10-Year-Long Co-op

July 29, 2020 by The Boston Accent

“I wanted to take my time and make sure I did the co-op thing right. Experiential learning is all about experiencing, y’know?” The 31-year-old , who was laid off from his decade long unpaid internship due to the coronavirus pandemic, says he’s excited to graduate into a recession just like his classmates did in 2010. … [Read more...] about Northeastern Student Finally Finishes 10-Year-Long Co-op

Governor Baker Forms Exploratory Committee To Find Other Dropkick Murphys Songs About Boston

July 29, 2020 by Michael Tobin

In an emergency public address on Wednesday, Governor Baker announced that, effective immediately, an exploratory committee would begin searching for more Dropkick Murphys songs about Boston."'I'm Shipping Up to Boston' was perhaps the most important unifying force in our capital city since the Boston Tea Party. I truly believe there are other Dropkick Murphys songs out there … [Read more...] about Governor Baker Forms Exploratory Committee To Find Other Dropkick Murphys Songs About Boston

“Live, Laugh, Love” Sign Mocking You More Each Day

July 28, 2020 by The Boston Accent Leave a Comment

BOSTON, MA—Krista McMullen, a recent college graduate, stares at the sign with snowballing insanity, “I literally can’t.” The sign sits above the couch in her basement studio. “At first I thought it was cute. Now it’s just a daily reminder of how awful the world is.” At press time, sources indicate Krista was seen drinking from a mug that said "Hang in there.”  Written … [Read more...] about “Live, Laugh, Love” Sign Mocking You More Each Day

Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans

July 23, 2020 by The Boston Accent

“Yeah, we’re gonna pass on eating you this year,” said shark commissioner Larry Bytes, wearing a mask as he spoke to human reporters. We’ll stick to eating safe things, like seals and pieces of plastic.” … [Read more...] about Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans

Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways

July 22, 2020 by The Boston Accent

STATE HOUSE, BOSTON--In an unexpected but, honestly, totally valid move, Commonwealth legislators announced on Monday they are "actively considering" changing the name of Massachusetts to Boston. "No one from outside New England can name a single place in Massachusetts besides Boston--so why don't we just lean into that?" said one lawmaker, who lives in Medford but tells all … [Read more...] about Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

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  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
  • Red Sox Reveal Rafael Devers Has Been Using New Donut Shaped Bat April 2, 2025
  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025
  • Very Real Saint Patrick’s Day Events Across Boston March 14, 2025

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