Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways
STATE HOUSE, BOSTON–In an unexpected but, honestly, totally valid move, Commonwealth legislators announced on Monday they are “actively considering” changing the name of Massachusetts to Boston.
“No one from outside New England can name a single place in Massachusetts besides Boston–so why don’t we just lean into that?” said one lawmaker, who lives in Medford but tells all relatives his apartment is literally next to Fenway Park.
During a public hearing for the name change held this week, dozens of Massachusetts residents expressed their support for the measure. “I tell my coworkers at our west coast office that I’m from a small suburb of Boston called Worcester,” said one software engineer. “It’s just way easier for everyone. Besides, I don’t even know how to spell Worcester, let alone Massachusetts. “
The single opponent to the proposal–a proud resident of Cambridge–loudly declared that Boston is “trashy and uncultured,” instead suggesting the state consider more tasteful names like “Harvardia” or “The Republic of Camberville.” At press time, representatives for Western Mass. were overheard whispering to each other about seceding.