Wow! Harvard really is an inclusive institution. According to reports, the prestigious university in Cambridge apparently let in at least one student who does not have a 7-figure trust fund. “This is really a historic first for us,” said Harvard President Larry Bacow. “The student’s parents are not even partners at a law or private equity firm! We are really breaking … [Read more...] about Diversity Win! This Harvard Undergrad Doesn’t Even Have A Trust Fund
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Nation Unsure What To Do With Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Pennsylvania Counties
Following 96 straight hours of election coverage, the citizens of the United States are now unsure what to do with their newfound encyclopedic knowledge of every county in the state of Pennsylvania. Since Tuesday, news outlets across the nation have provided a 24/7 crash course on the detailed geography of the Keystone State. Americans have devoured mountains of data about … [Read more...] about Nation Unsure What To Do With Encyclopedic Knowledge Of Pennsylvania Counties
Now That Pats Suck, Local Man Has No Choice But To Get To Know Family
With the New England Patriots recording their worst season in nearly 20 years, local Braintree man Mikey Brown has surprisingly found himself getting to know his family. “The Pats have just been good for so long that I haven’t had a lazy Sunday in years. Now I’m looking around and realizing I should probably get to know my kids,” he added. Brown’s children, ages 5 and 9, … [Read more...] about Now That Pats Suck, Local Man Has No Choice But To Get To Know Family
Scalpers Spotted Outside Fenway Park Selling Ballots For Half Price
After early voting started this week at Fenway Park, scalpers were spotted outside the historic stadium selling discount ballots to Boston voters. “I got one for Biden, two for Trump, and twelve for Jo Jorgensen,” said scalper Dave O’Connor, displaying a jacket pocket full of crumbled up ballots. “Lowest I’ll go is $50, these are selling for at least double … [Read more...] about Scalpers Spotted Outside Fenway Park Selling Ballots For Half Price
Now That Summer’s Over, Man Realizes Friend With Boat Actually Kind Of A Dick
With warm weather behind us, Fred Smith of Harwich is in hot water, as his friends have started to remember he’s actually a total tool. “Now that it’s too cold for him to take us out on his boat every weekend, I’m honestly not sure what he’s bringing to the friend group,” says Andrew Grant, a seasonal buddy of Smith’s. “All he ever talks about is his high school hockey … [Read more...] about Now That Summer’s Over, Man Realizes Friend With Boat Actually Kind Of A Dick