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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Harvard

Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

February 14, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Ever wanted to wed a wealthy Cantabrigian and inherit their family’s fortune? Who hasn’t! Unfortunately, courting an Ivy League suitor is harder than it may seem—especially if you don’t go to, ahem, a small school just outside of Boston. But fear not! Here are some tried and true tips that will help you seduce the rich Harvard student of your parent’s dreams. Mention you … [Read more...] about Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

Legendary MIT Party Almost Hits Pod Limit

January 31, 2021 by The Boston Accent

CAMBRIDGE, MA — A party last night at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology achieved legendary status after nearly approaching the school’s COVID-19 gathering restriction of 10 people. The soiree is the university’s largest since mathematicians proved the Poincare Conjecture in 2010. “I’ve never seen anything like it. It was what I imagine Coachella being like,” said … [Read more...] about Legendary MIT Party Almost Hits Pod Limit

Diversity Win! This Harvard Undergrad Doesn’t Even Have A Trust Fund

November 14, 2020 by The Boston Accent

Wow! Harvard really is an inclusive institution. According to reports, the prestigious university in Cambridge apparently let in at least one student who does not have a 7-figure trust fund. “This is really a historic first for us,” said Harvard President Larry Bacow. “The student’s parents are not even partners at a law or private equity firm! We are really breaking … [Read more...] about Diversity Win! This Harvard Undergrad Doesn’t Even Have A Trust Fund

I Pahked My Cah In Hahvid Yahd And Now I Have A $1,500 Parking Violation From The City Of Cambridge

August 24, 2020 by Bailey Hull

Parking Violation

“I knew pahkin my cah in Hahvid Yahd was wicked hahd, but I never thought I’d have to appear in person at the Cambridge District Courthouse because of it.” Written by contributor Bailey Hull. Check out Bailey on Instagram @ceoofspatulas … [Read more...] about I Pahked My Cah In Hahvid Yahd And Now I Have A $1,500 Parking Violation From The City Of Cambridge

School “Just Outside Boston” Now “Just Inside Internet”

August 18, 2020 by The Boston Accent

Harvard Online

Due to the ongoing pandemic, the elite institution located “just outside of Boston” can now be found “just inside the Internet.” To make sure online-only students don’t miss out on the experience of humble bragging about going to Harvard, the university released guidance for students looking for new ways to fake humility about their school in conversation.  “There are … [Read more...] about School “Just Outside Boston” Now “Just Inside Internet”

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

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  • Heartwarming: Senator Sinema Pays Homage To Her Hero Emperor Commodus From Gladiator In Vote Against $15 Minimum Wage March 6, 2021
  • Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now February 27, 2021
  • Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships February 20, 2021
  • Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread February 14, 2021

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