“We regret to inform our Boston sports fans that Lucky is, indeed, canonically opposed to all vaccinations,” announced Celtics GM Danny Ainge, confirming the rumor floating around Twitter this week. “When the mascot was created more than 50 years ago, everyone hated all immunizations—especially Bostonians. It was a different time and Lucky reflects that. Ainge quietly added … [Read more...] about Heartbreaking: Celtics Reluctantly Confirm Mascot Lucky The Leprechaun Is An Anti-Vaxxer
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Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans
“Yeah, we’re gonna pass on eating you this year,” said shark commissioner Larry Bytes, wearing a mask as he spoke to human reporters. We’ll stick to eating safe things, like seals and pieces of plastic.” … [Read more...] about Citing Health Concerns, Sharks Of Cape Cod Announce Ban On Eating Humans
Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways
STATE HOUSE, BOSTON--In an unexpected but, honestly, totally valid move, Commonwealth legislators announced on Monday they are "actively considering" changing the name of Massachusetts to Boston. "No one from outside New England can name a single place in Massachusetts besides Boston--so why don't we just lean into that?" said one lawmaker, who lives in Medford but tells all … [Read more...] about Mass. Considers Changing State Name To Boston, Since Everyone Says They’re From There Anyways
Local Mom Running Desperately Low On Bullshit Activities To Entertain Kids
“I’m already out of ideas and it’s barely July,” said Angela Lenner, who spent the afternoon fingerpainting, scootering, and doing yoga with her 5-year-old daughter Lacey. Lenner says tomorrow she’ll probably just give Lacey her phone. … [Read more...] about Local Mom Running Desperately Low On Bullshit Activities To Entertain Kids
Boston Dad Has Said “It’s A Scorchah” Like 5 Times Today
"Fahk me, it's wicked hot out," said the Dad, wiping sweat from his brow and fanning his face with a Pats hat. "I'm sweating my freakin' tits off today." … [Read more...] about Boston Dad Has Said “It’s A Scorchah” Like 5 Times Today