BOSTON—To continue his legacy of apologizing to marginalized groups that he physically slighted throughout his juvenile years, Mark Wahlberg has decided to openly apologize to the LGBTQ+ community. “Like in my movie ‘Joe Bell,’ somebody had to bully that gay kid so a beautiful story could come out of it. I’m sorry that person had to be me, but at least it was someone who … [Read more...] about In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth
National News
Sad! White Harvard Applicant Who Would Have Been Rejected Under Affirmative Action Now Has No Excuse For Why He Will Still Be Rejected
Sources say future Harvard reject Reagan Lacey had already planned on claiming his seat was stolen from him by “less qualified individuals with set aside spots” if he didn’t get in. When asked if he feels that way about the legacy students and children of faculty who will continue to receive preferential admissions treatment, Lacey declined to comment. “I don’t see how that … [Read more...] about Sad! White Harvard Applicant Who Would Have Been Rejected Under Affirmative Action Now Has No Excuse For Why He Will Still Be Rejected
Preseason Preview: Pats Look To Secure Mac Jones More Weapons, Jack Jones Less
For Mac to really make things happen this season for the Pats, he needs more weàpons on the field—like DeAndre Hopkins, perhaps,” said an assistant offensive coach for the Pats, speaking anonymously. “Jack on the other hand…let’s just say his performance at Logan was shotty.” … [Read more...] about Preseason Preview: Pats Look To Secure Mac Jones More Weapons, Jack Jones Less
A Definitive List Of Rhode Island Celebrities We Claim (And A Few We Don’t)
The Talking Heads (yes) “But, but, but, but what about CBGBs and Max’s Kansas City?” Were the Beatles from Germany just because they had a residency in Hamburg? David Byrne, Chris Frantz, and Tina Weymouth are RISD grads and therefore Rhode Islanders ’til the day they die. New York was just lucky they brought what they learned here and graced them with some RI culture. The … [Read more...] about A Definitive List Of Rhode Island Celebrities We Claim (And A Few We Don’t)
Dunkin Renovation Forces Man To Try Honey Dew
WARWICK, R.I. — Local resident Liam Murphy was in for the shock of his life when he was greeted by a “Closed for Renovations” banner as he attempted to pull into his Dunkin drive-through, outraged sources confirmed. “I couldn’t believe my eyes! I barely needed a coffee after I was jolted awake by that disappointment,” said Murphy, still barely able to believe what he … [Read more...] about Dunkin Renovation Forces Man To Try Honey Dew