BOSTON—To continue his legacy of apologizing to marginalized groups that he physically slighted throughout his juvenile years, Mark Wahlberg has decided to openly apologize to the LGBTQ+ community.
“Like in my movie ‘Joe Bell,’ somebody had to bully that gay kid so a beautiful story could come out of it. I’m sorry that person had to be me, but at least it was someone who could display documented growth in the media over time. Just ask my publicist.”
Also like in ‘Joe Bell,’ bullying queer people is not right, and I don’t have a lot of pride about my youth right now. You guys should have pride though. Tweet #MarkyMarkyPride for a chance to win a Wahlburger!”
“Also me and Ted were kinda gay, remember?”