BOSTON—Following Mayor Wu’s announcement of a proof-of-vaccine requirement to enter indoor restaurants and venues in Boston, the city’s outspoken antivax residents—who clearly weren’t getting invited to dinner anyways—were in an uproar. “We live in a certified nanny state that doesn’t respect the will of its citizens,” said one antivax Boston resident, who has already been … [Read more...] about Mayor Wu Infuriates Antivaxxer Who Already Wasn’t Getting Invited Anywhere
National News
Full Circle: Colleges Nationwide Now Offering Degrees In Student Loan Enforcement
BRIDGEWATER, MA — Kim Hobbs couldn’t believe her luck as a returning Bridgewater State University sophomore when she was given the chance to switch her major to BSU’s new Student Debt Enforcement program, the fastest growing degree across student-debt-addled America. “I used to be a criminal justice major, pre-law minor, but when I realized that law school would require … [Read more...] about Full Circle: Colleges Nationwide Now Offering Degrees In Student Loan Enforcement
Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box
QUINCY—To celebrate Governor Charlie Baker’s two terms as head of the Bay State, Dunkin’ Donuts announced today the release of the “Baker’s Dozen”—13 donuts squeezed right in the middle of the box, with none of them falling too far to the right and none of them falling too far to the left. When asked if having so many donuts stuffed square in the center would limit their … [Read more...] about Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box
Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics
In a surprise conference today, 6’6 Charlie Baker revealed he will not seek re-election as Governor of Massachusetts and will instead pursue his lifelong dream of playing basketball on his beloved Boston Celtics. “This politics thing was fun while it lasted, but truthfully, it’s not my passion. Ball is life, and it’s time I finally pursue my real dreams—I used to play for … [Read more...] about Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics
Goy Vey! “Jewish” Friend Can’t Remember What Night Of Hanukkah It Is
It’s literally night 1, Lauren. Doesn’t your iPhone tell you that? You know, the one your parents bought you last year…for Hanukkah. … [Read more...] about Goy Vey! “Jewish” Friend Can’t Remember What Night Of Hanukkah It Is