Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29
Culture
Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting
“It’s not that the bottom half of his face is unattractive, it’s just not what I had in mind during the past ten months of casual masked conversation.” … [Read more...] about Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting
Finally, A United Nation: 100% Of Americans Agree They’d Rather See Jake Paul Get Knocked Out Than Receive Another Stimulus Check
“America may be more divided than ever, but it appears we all agree on one thing: wanting to see Jake Paul get his long overdue comeuppance,” said Pew research Dan Hinkley, who ran the survey. “Astonishingly, 70% of Americans said they would even pay their last stimulus check back to the government if it meant they got to see Jake getting rocked in the kisser by a ‘decent … [Read more...] about Finally, A United Nation: 100% Of Americans Agree They’d Rather See Jake Paul Get Knocked Out Than Receive Another Stimulus Check
Impressive! Emerson Junior Breaks World Record For Most Banana Kush Pre-Rolls Shoved In One Sock Drawer
BOSTON, MA—After swiftly stuffing 78 joints into his dresser before the RA came in for room inspection, Emerson junior Codey Sherman officially broke the world record for most banana kush pre-rolls shoved in a single sock drawer. “I am incredibly proud of Codey. She truly embodies all of the qualities we look for in an Emerson student: ingenuity, perseverance, and of course, … [Read more...] about Impressive! Emerson Junior Breaks World Record For Most Banana Kush Pre-Rolls Shoved In One Sock Drawer
Masshole Meditation App Puts Users Through Guided Yelling Sessions
This time last year, Bobby Sullivan didn’t know a lick of code, calmness, or Buddhist dharma teachings. He didn’t know much of anything, for that matter. Before last month, his most reliable source of stress relief was cursing out Yankees fans after drunken nights in Fenway. But after punching countless holes in his condo’s drywall during the stressful pandemic … [Read more...] about Masshole Meditation App Puts Users Through Guided Yelling Sessions