“This is a great cure, it is a miracle cure,” noted the First Lady, admiring the roasted turkey, which appeared to be squirming on the platter. “And the flavor will pair perfectly with Ivanka’s hydroxychloroquine stuffing and Don Jr.’s antibody gin cocktail.” At press time, White House chefs were busy preparing the final course: a roasted lame duck. … [Read more...] about Melania Bastes White House Turkey With Remdesivir To Cure Meat
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Gordon Hayward Abandons Any Shot At Future Championship For Chance To Live In A Red State
This week, Gordon Hayward committed to a massive four-year, $120 million contract with the Charlotte Hornets, tossing away any hope of a ring in the foreseeable future. Still, the humongous payout is second in importance to Gordon, who says he's just happy to fulfill his dream of moving back to Trump's America. "Boston was nice I guess, but I really won't miss it," admitted … [Read more...] about Gordon Hayward Abandons Any Shot At Future Championship For Chance To Live In A Red State
Kink-Shaming? I Got Kicked Out Of CVS For Wearing My Fishnet Mask
I can’t believe this. I thought it was 2020, and I could choose how to dress without judgement or persecution. Apparently not. Because when I walked into CVS with my fishnet mask, I was asked to leave immediately! I simply don’t understand the problem. The sexy mask goes over my nose and mouth. And sure, it shows a little skin, and my lips, and both my nostrils, but why … [Read more...] about Kink-Shaming? I Got Kicked Out Of CVS For Wearing My Fishnet Mask
‘Wait, We’re On Lockdown Again?’ Asks Vermonter Who Hasn’t Seen Another Human In Months Anyway
Esra Danville of Vermont’s Northeast Kingdom spent the last few weeks doing what he normally does: canning and pickling vegetables, butchering one of his cows, and chopping 3 large trees worth of firewood to heat his remote cabin this winter. It wasn’t until he turned on Vermont Public Radio that he discovered the state was on lockdown again due to rising cases of Covid-19. … [Read more...] about ‘Wait, We’re On Lockdown Again?’ Asks Vermonter Who Hasn’t Seen Another Human In Months Anyway
Trump Transition Team Assures Nation Of Smooth Transition To Autocracy
Despite losing the presidential election, the Trump administration announced today they will ensure the transition of America from a democracy to a monarchical autocracy proceeds as seemlessly as possible. We would like to guarantee all Americans that the nation will smoothly shift from the administration of President Trump to the eternal dynasty of King Trump I,” said … [Read more...] about Trump Transition Team Assures Nation Of Smooth Transition To Autocracy