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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

Top Stories

Dog Practices Self Care By Befriending Reflection In Mirror

September 23, 2021 by Matt Dooman

“Hi there. Who are you?” said 7-year-old Molly, a beagle mix known all around town for her waggy tail. “Welcome to me and my human’s house!” Molly inched toward the new mirror with curious excitement. “You look like me, kinda sorta, but I’m here, not over there. We should be buddies, whoever you are. We can all use more friends.” Molly approached her mirrored self to give … [Read more...] about Dog Practices Self Care By Befriending Reflection In Mirror

Touching: BC And BU Students Bond Over Mutual Hatred Of Harvard Students

September 18, 2021 by The Boston Accent

“Eagles and Terriers don’t normally get along. But we will happily join forces to destroy Pilgrims,” explain a BC student. … [Read more...] about Touching: BC And BU Students Bond Over Mutual Hatred Of Harvard Students

Bostonians Panic Over Lack Of Equivocating White Men In Mayoral Election

September 13, 2021 by The Boston Accent

BOSTON—Recent polling results suggest that citizens of Boston are increasingly worried about the startling lack of blah, noncommittal white men running for mayor in this year’s election. In a historic first for the city, the mayoral race includes approximately zero confused-looking middle-aged white dudes spouting nonsense and palaver. Reports suggest many voters are … [Read more...] about Bostonians Panic Over Lack Of Equivocating White Men In Mayoral Election

Allston Christmas Grinch Takes All The Good Presents For Himself

September 1, 2021 by Jack Stebbins

A local Ebenezer Scrooge was recently spotted ruining Allston Christmas by stealing all the best street gifts using a large green truck. “I saw him take a totally decent, formerly-white couch and just drive off,” stated one shaken onlooker. “He took stuff from literally every house. What a greedy jerk.” The thief, who called himself “the garbageman,” was seen taking his … [Read more...] about Allston Christmas Grinch Takes All The Good Presents For Himself

Unvaccinated Cam Newton Gets First Dose Of Reality

August 31, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Sources say he’s expected to get some booster doses of reality in coming months too! … [Read more...] about Unvaccinated Cam Newton Gets First Dose Of Reality

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  • Celtics Trade Two NBA Champions For An Unopened Labubu June 26, 2025
  • Honoring A Legend: Eliot Tatelman’s Ponytail To Hang In Rafters Of Jordan’s Furniture Following Retirement April 27, 2025
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  • American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment March 28, 2025

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