Ancestry Study Reveals 91% Of Dorchester Residents Related To Wahlberg Family

On Monday, a team of scientists from MIT reported incredible findings: 9 in 10 Residents of Dorchester are genetically related to the Wahlberg family.

“Deep down, I always knew I had Marky Mark blood flowin through my veins,” said Dot resident Kyle Quinnly, who added he gets mistaken for a Wahlberg at least twice a year.

“Does this mean I get some of their Wahlburgers money?”