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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

the Boston accent

Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now

February 27, 2021 by The Boston Accent

BOSTON—This Friday, leaders in the fields of art, writing, and photography collectively agreed that if your work was any good, you’d already be famous. According to one professor who spoke under conditions of anonymity, "It's impressive how long you’ve been committed to this one pursuit given the negligible impact you’ve made, I will say that. Maybe channel that passion into … [Read more...] about Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now

Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships

February 20, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Lifelong Harwich resident Dan O’Hoolihan thought something was very wrong with his eight-year-old daughter when she brought home her first painting from school last week. "There is nothing seaworthy about a dinosaur princess,” said O’Hoolihan. “But when I called the school in a panic, they informed me that not all art is boat-related. Naturally, I was shocked—every piece of … [Read more...] about Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships

Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

February 14, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Ever wanted to wed a wealthy Cantabrigian and inherit their family’s fortune? Who hasn’t! Unfortunately, courting an Ivy League suitor is harder than it may seem—especially if you don’t go to, ahem, a small school just outside of Boston. But fear not! Here are some tried and true tips that will help you seduce the rich Harvard student of your parent’s dreams. Mention you … [Read more...] about Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

Man Missing Duck Boats Just Drives Into Boston Harbor Himself

February 10, 2021 by The Boston Accent

"Since the Pats aren't doing a Duck Boat parade this year, I decided I should drive my Honda CR-V into the Harbor in their honor. It's what they would have wanted.” … [Read more...] about Man Missing Duck Boats Just Drives Into Boston Harbor Himself

New England Buccaneers Win Super Bowl

February 7, 2021 by The Boston Accent

The New England Buccaneers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl atop the shoulders of Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski, Antonio Brown, and other lesser important players that didn’t come from the Patriots. “WE WON THE SUPERBOWL!” Yelled fans all over New England. “And if you squinted hard enough, it looked like they were wearing Pats ‘Away’ jerseys too. Another banner … [Read more...] about New England Buccaneers Win Super Bowl

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The Latest

Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships

February 20, 2021

Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread

February 14, 2021

Man Missing Duck Boats Just Drives Into Boston Harbor Himself

February 10, 2021

Sports

In Latest Slight To Boston, Brady Announces He’s Now Starting Goalie For The Penguins

January 26, 2021

College

Legendary MIT Party Almost Hits Pod Limit

January 31, 2021

National

Jeff Bezos Purchases Nice, Quiet Retirement Country

February 3, 2021

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  • Experts Agree: If It Was Going To Happen, You’d Be Famous By Now February 27, 2021
  • Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships February 20, 2021
  • Top Tips For Seducing A Rich Harvard Student And Getting That Bread February 14, 2021
  • Man Missing Duck Boats Just Drives Into Boston Harbor Himself February 10, 2021

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