In an announcement sure to appease hurting Pats fans everywhere, Bill Belichick told reporters today that next season, the team will “most likely” bring back cheating to avoid another heartbreak season. “Suffering through a 47-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills can have a devastating impact on the mental and physical health of our fan base,” Belichick said. “You know me, I’m … [Read more...] about Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans
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How To Tell It’s Winter In New England
New Englanders get to experience all four seasons, whether we like it or not. Sure, all states technically have a winter, but let’s be real: 65 degree evenings and slightly fewer alligator attacks don’t count (Cough…Florida…cough). Here are seven surefire ways you can tell a New England winter has officially arrived, without looking at the thermometer. One of the teens at … [Read more...] about How To Tell It’s Winter In New England
‘I Did A Cappella In College,’ Reports Friend Who Desperately Would Like You To Ask About It
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Chiming in almost instantaneously the moment the conversation turned to music, local late twenty-something Todd Goodwin confirmed that he did a cappella in college and, yes, would love to dive deeper into that topic. “Yeah, I was in the Tufts Beelzebubs — or the ‘Bubs,’ as we called it,” reported Goodwin to a crowd of completely uninterested acquaintances. … [Read more...] about ‘I Did A Cappella In College,’ Reports Friend Who Desperately Would Like You To Ask About It
Allston Christmas Grinch Takes All The Good Presents For Himself
A local Ebenezer Scrooge was recently spotted ruining Allston Christmas by stealing all the best street gifts using a large green truck. “I saw him take a totally decent, formerly-white couch and just drive off,” stated one shaken onlooker. “He took stuff from literally every house. What a greedy jerk.” The thief, who called himself “the garbageman,” was seen taking his … [Read more...] about Allston Christmas Grinch Takes All The Good Presents For Himself
Scientists Warn Climate Change May Extend Iced Coffee Season Indefinitely
“Our planet is not ready for the disastrous possibility that iced coffee season will soon be all year round,” said an MIT climate scientist, who led the research. “Heat wave after record heat wave, our country is turning to iced coffee permanently as a makeshift solution to cool off. But we simply do not have the resources to support this change on a global … [Read more...] about Scientists Warn Climate Change May Extend Iced Coffee Season Indefinitely