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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

satire

LEGO Celebrates Moving North American Headquarters To Boston With ‘Big Dig’ Set That Takes 25 Years To Complete

January 24, 2023 by Andrew Haskell Leave a Comment

The 5,000,000 brick mega set even comes with built in design flaws and a set of directions that are 190% longer than initially anticipated. Welcome to Boston, LEGO! … [Read more...] about LEGO Celebrates Moving North American Headquarters To Boston With ‘Big Dig’ Set That Takes 25 Years To Complete

Jewish Person Feeds Entire Year’s Worth Of Sins To Unsuspecting Ducks

September 26, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“My favorite part of Rosh Hashana, and honestly the only part I still do, is the tashlich ceremony, where we ritually cast away sins in the form of bread into a nearby body of water,” said local resident Joseph Klein. The ducks who eat the bread have no idea that they are symbolically consuming my worst misdeeds of the part year. Or maybe they do and just love the taste of sin. … [Read more...] about Jewish Person Feeds Entire Year’s Worth Of Sins To Unsuspecting Ducks

Nation On Edge As Cases Of First Wordle Loss Rise Dramatically

February 19, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“I never thought this would happen to me, I always played it safe and was extra careful,” said 32-year-old Priya, who asked we do not share her last name due to overwhelming shame. “I was about to hit a streak of 50 days in a row and then the New York Times took over. Now it feels like my life is basically over.” All across the country, health departments are reporting an … [Read more...] about Nation On Edge As Cases Of First Wordle Loss Rise Dramatically

Man Who Didn’t Cry At Own Father’s Funeral Posts Teary-Eyed Tribute About Tom Brady Retiring

January 29, 2022 by The Boston Accent

“Brady was like a father to me, even though I’m 10 years older than him,” said Medford resident Louie Palanzo in a tear-filled Facebook live video stream. “He was always there for me, through the thick and thin, every season. After my old man kicked the bucket, I cheered myself up watching the Pats at the wake. His retirement is without a doubt the saddest moment of my entire … [Read more...] about Man Who Didn’t Cry At Own Father’s Funeral Posts Teary-Eyed Tribute About Tom Brady Retiring

Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans

January 17, 2022 by Andrew Haskell

In an announcement sure to appease hurting Pats fans everywhere, Bill Belichick told reporters today that next season, the team will “most likely” bring back cheating to avoid another heartbreak season.  “Suffering through a 47-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills can have a devastating impact on the mental and physical health of our fan base,” Belichick said. “You know me, I’m … [Read more...] about Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans

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LEGO Celebrates Moving North American Headquarters To Boston With ‘Big Dig’ Set That Takes 25 Years To Complete

January 24, 2023

Tom Brady Suffers Early Exit From NFL Playoffs, By Far The Worst Thing To Happen To Him In Past Year

January 18, 2023

Boston Area Landlord Admits Most Of $3000 Rent Goes Toward Maintaining Ornate Door Frames

January 12, 2023

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Brad Stevens Reportedly Furious With Ime Udoka Once Somebody Explained To Him What Sex Is

September 22, 2022

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‘I Go To School In Boston,’ Says Vague BU Student Who Wants Strangers From Hometown To Think They Go To Harvard

January 5, 2023

National

Bostonians Call Out ‘The Last Of Us’ For Unrealistic Lack Of Zombies Wearing Scally Caps

January 26, 2023

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

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Recent

  • Bostonians Call Out ‘The Last Of Us’ For Unrealistic Lack Of Zombies Wearing Scally Caps January 26, 2023
  • LEGO Celebrates Moving North American Headquarters To Boston With ‘Big Dig’ Set That Takes 25 Years To Complete January 24, 2023
  • Tom Brady Suffers Early Exit From NFL Playoffs, By Far The Worst Thing To Happen To Him In Past Year January 18, 2023
  • Boston Area Landlord Admits Most Of $3000 Rent Goes Toward Maintaining Ornate Door Frames January 12, 2023

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