Somerville, Mass. — The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has bravely declared that anyone caught exercising their constitutional rights is now an enemy of the United States. On Tuesday, March 26th, Rumeysa Ozturk, a Turkish doctoral student at Tufts University, was abducted by plainclothes U.S. Department of Homeland Security officers for engaging “in activities in … [Read more...] about American Government Defends Constitution By Abducting Individuals Exercising First Amendment
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‘I Did A Cappella In College,’ Reports Friend Who Desperately Would Like You To Ask About It
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Chiming in almost instantaneously the moment the conversation turned to music, local late twenty-something Todd Goodwin confirmed that he did a cappella in college and, yes, would love to dive deeper into that topic. “Yeah, I was in the Tufts Beelzebubs — or the ‘Bubs,’ as we called it,” reported Goodwin to a crowd of completely uninterested acquaintances. … [Read more...] about ‘I Did A Cappella In College,’ Reports Friend Who Desperately Would Like You To Ask About It
Tufts University Buys Pornhub Premium For Every Freshman To Keep Students In Dorms
In a move experts are calling “totally weird but kind of necessary,” Tufts University announced this week that they will be purchasing every first year student a Pornhub Premium account, intended to “keep them occupied for a while” so they don’t party. “As an administration, our reopening plan is comprehensive and places student safety at its core,” said a school … [Read more...] about Tufts University Buys Pornhub Premium For Every Freshman To Keep Students In Dorms
Harsh! Harvard Reject Sentenced To Four Years At Tufts
“I was really hoping for a lighter sentence, maybe at an upstate institution like Cornell,” said Jason Delano, whose only crime was getting a 3 on his AP chemistry exam. “Hopefully they will let me out early for good behavior.” … [Read more...] about Harsh! Harvard Reject Sentenced To Four Years At Tufts