A local Ebenezer Scrooge was recently spotted ruining Allston Christmas by stealing all the best street gifts using a large green truck. “I saw him take a totally decent, formerly-white couch and just drive off,” stated one shaken onlooker. “He took stuff from literally every house. What a greedy jerk.” The thief, who called himself “the garbageman,” was seen taking his … [Read more...] about Allston Christmas Grinch Takes All The Good Presents For Himself
the Boston accent
Bruins Fan Celebrates Victory Over Capitals By Happily Punching New Hole In Wall
“To be fair, if we had lost the series I was gonna punch a hole in the wall too,” said Mickey Porter, grinning ear to ear as he pulled his bruised fist from the drywall. “Punching and hitting stuff is how I express all my emotions.” Porter added that he’s prepping for the second round of the playoffs by purchasing dozens of cheap glasses from the local thrift store, which he … [Read more...] about Bruins Fan Celebrates Victory Over Capitals By Happily Punching New Hole In Wall
Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29
Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29
“Free Solo” Sequel To Star 2002 Prius That Scaled Mt. Washington
National Geographic announced today that the sequel to the critically acclaimed climbing film “Free Solo” will feature the thrilling story of a 2002 Prius summiting the legendary Mt. Washington without any assistance. The movie will showcase real, often terrifying footage from the dramatic climb. “A brave hand-me-down Prius takes on harsh paved and gravel roads that no … [Read more...] about “Free Solo” Sequel To Star 2002 Prius That Scaled Mt. Washington
Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting
“It’s not that the bottom half of his face is unattractive, it’s just not what I had in mind during the past ten months of casual masked conversation.” … [Read more...] about Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting