Salem, MA—Exasperated residents in the seaside town famous for its 1692 witch trials say they have given up on keeping ghoul-hungry tourists from barging into their private homes this Halloween season. “It is worse this year than ever,” said a Washington Square resident who wished to remain anonymous. “Tourists have been looking in my windows since July. They think my house … [Read more...] about Exhausted Salem Residents Give Up, Grant Tourists Free Entry Into All Homes
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Salem Residents Brace For Invasion Of Disney Adults
“All of our Disney friends said we need to check out Salem sometime. So we thought, why not October? It’s still cheaper than Epcot!” said Eliza Peaux, dressed as a witch from Hocus Pocus. “These lines are nothing compared to the magic kingdom. Hey look, is that a hidden Mickey on that 1600s gravestone?!” … [Read more...] about Salem Residents Brace For Invasion Of Disney Adults
Terrifying Twist: Tourists Flock To Salem For Halloween Only To Realize It Totally Sucks
In a haunting turn of events that seems right out of an M Night Shyamalan movie, tourists from across the country have traveled to Salem, Massachusetts for the shock of their lives: it actually sucks. “I came here to see some ghosts, experience the witch trials, and maybe encounter a colonial-era ghoul or two, but all I got was a weekend stuck in an overcrowded suburb full … [Read more...] about Terrifying Twist: Tourists Flock To Salem For Halloween Only To Realize It Totally Sucks
Salem City Council Announces Progress On Coronavirus Counter-Curse
SALEM, MA — The city council of Salem announced on Tuesday they've made significant strides in the creation of a coronavirus counter-curse. “Good afternoon, my pretties,” began Councilwoman Sybil Gust in a live streamed press conference . “We are pleased to share that our COVID-19 counter-curse is only two full moons away from completion.” The counter-curse project has … [Read more...] about Salem City Council Announces Progress On Coronavirus Counter-Curse