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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

patriots

‘I Named 3 Freakin’ Dogs After You!’ Patriots Fans React To Brady Retirement Snub

February 2, 2022 by The Boston Accent

The GOAT Tom Brady formally announced his retirement from the NFL after 22 seasons and 7 Super Bowl Titles. While there will be plenty of time to celebrate his storied career, New England fans couldn’t help but notice the lack of Patriots love in his retirement announcement. Here’s how some reacted: “What a waste of a 6th round pick!” - Pam, Worcester “I’ll never wear … [Read more...] about ‘I Named 3 Freakin’ Dogs After You!’ Patriots Fans React To Brady Retirement Snub

Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans

January 17, 2022 by Andrew Haskell

In an announcement sure to appease hurting Pats fans everywhere, Bill Belichick told reporters today that next season, the team will “most likely” bring back cheating to avoid another heartbreak season.  “Suffering through a 47-17 loss to the Buffalo Bills can have a devastating impact on the mental and physical health of our fan base,” Belichick said. “You know me, I’m … [Read more...] about Belichick Promises To Resume Cheating In 2022 For Sake Of Patriots Fans

Mass. Residents Push State Reps To Ban Patriots Losses On Same Weekend As Snow Storm

January 9, 2022 by Andrew Haskell

FOXBORO, MA — Fed up residents across Massachusetts are hoping a tough weekend for both weather and the Patriots will help spark change in the Bay State. The “Snowbody Wins” bill, bill proposed Sunday night, could ban Patriots losses on the same weekend there’s a snowstorm.  We spoke to William Fitzgerald of Taunton, who told our reporters he supports the bill. “I’ve … [Read more...] about Mass. Residents Push State Reps To Ban Patriots Losses On Same Weekend As Snow Storm

‘OUR DYNASTY IS OFFICIALLY BACK!’ Proclaims Pats Nation After 4-Game Win Streak

November 14, 2021 by Christopher Shelley

FOXBOROUGH, MA – After Mac Jones threw 3 touchdown passes to lead the Patriots to a 45-7 victory over the Browns, Patriots fans all over New England proclaimed bragging rights to their newly confirmed football dynasty, who surely will never lose again. “Four in a row, baby! Gas up the Duck Boats!” yelled one fan outfitted head to toe in Patriots gear, standing on the hood of … [Read more...] about ‘OUR DYNASTY IS OFFICIALLY BACK!’ Proclaims Pats Nation After 4-Game Win Streak

Patriots Sign Literal Goat

March 14, 2021 by Malt Schlitzman

“It’s perfect because he has the exact same diet as Brady did,” said the Patriots team chef. The goat, name Tahhhhhm, is already a close friend of Belichick, and has taken on the extra role of chewing the sleeves off his hoodies. … [Read more...] about Patriots Sign Literal Goat

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  • Susan Collins: ‘I’m Just As Shocked As You Are!’ June 24, 2022
  • A Touching Father’s Day: New England Dad Tells Son He’s Less Of A Disappointment Than Celtics Losing Finals June 19, 2022
  • Worcester Crowned The ‘Is Pepsi Okay?’ City Of Massachusetts June 16, 2022
  • We Asked Brookline Residents If They’re Excited To Host The US Open And They Told Us To Get Off Their Grass June 15, 2022

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