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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Charlie baker

Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box

December 2, 2021 by Andrew Haskell

QUINCY—To celebrate Governor Charlie Baker’s two terms as head of the Bay State, Dunkin’ Donuts announced today the release of the “Baker’s Dozen”—13 donuts squeezed right in the middle of the box, with none of them falling too far to the right and none of them falling too far to the left. When asked if having so many donuts stuffed square in the center would limit their … [Read more...] about Dunkin Donuts Celebrates Governor Baker With “Baker’s Dozen”: 13 Donuts Positioned Unproductively In Middle Of Box

Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics

December 1, 2021 by The Boston Accent

In a surprise conference today, 6’6 Charlie Baker revealed he will not seek re-election as Governor of Massachusetts and will instead pursue his lifelong dream of playing basketball on his beloved Boston Celtics. “This politics thing was fun while it lasted, but truthfully, it’s not my passion. Ball is life, and it’s time I finally pursue my real dreams—I used to play for … [Read more...] about Charlie Baker Announces He’s Quitting Politics To Try Out For Celtics

Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29

May 19, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29

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Recent

  • Maine Holding On To ‘Vacationland’ Title As If The Caribbean Doesn’t Exist May 17, 2022
  • Boston Fans Prep For Back-To-Back Game 7s By Sacrificing A Referee To The Ghost Of Sam Adams May 14, 2022
  • Local Man Giving Directions Only Tells You Where Location Isn’t May 14, 2022
  • With Massachusetts Legalizing Sports Betting, Rhode Island Economy Now Exclusively Based On Pizza Strips May 1, 2022

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