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The Boston Accent

The Boston Accent

New England’s Source For Wicked Serious News

Boston satire

Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29

May 19, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29

Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting

May 1, 2021 by Brett McCabe

“It’s not that the bottom half of his face is unattractive, it’s just not what I had in mind during the past ten months of casual masked conversation.” … [Read more...] about Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting

Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms

April 6, 2021 by The Boston Accent

Medfield dad Douglas Stephens has been overcome by waves of nostalgia while watching his favorite Boston sports teams underperform, just as they did during the formative years of his life. “It’s just like my teenage years in the early 90s—I still fondly remember punching my TV,” reflected Stephens, wiping away a single tear as he turned off the most recent Red Sox … [Read more...] about Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms

Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC

March 30, 2021 by The Boston Accent

He may have been confirmed as Labor Secretary just a week ago, but Marty Walsh is wasting no time increasing employment in his new city. Amazingly, he’s already DOUBLED the staff at the Dunkin’ closest to his DC office! “This guy must drink like 20 iced coffees a day, he’s in here every hour and always ordering complicated stuff I didn’t even know we made. I can barely keep … [Read more...] about Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC

Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships

February 20, 2021 by Mary Colussi

Lifelong Harwich resident Dan O’Hoolihan thought something was very wrong with his eight-year-old daughter when she brought home her first painting from school last week. "There is nothing seaworthy about a dinosaur princess,” said O’Hoolihan. “But when I called the school in a panic, they informed me that not all art is boat-related. Naturally, I was shocked—every piece of … [Read more...] about Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships

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The Boston Accent is New England’s best source of wicked serious news.

We publish satire (so don’t sue us) that might make you spit out your Dunkin’ and Boston cream donut all over Harvard Yard.

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  • Brown University Study Finds American English And Warwick English No Longer Mutually Intelligible September 23, 2023
  • Environmentalists Warn Cape Cod Will Be 90% Mini Golf Courses By 2045 August 29, 2023
  • Nanas All Over New England Forced To File Bankruptcy After Visiting Christmas Tree Shop Liquidation Sale July 21, 2023
  • In Honor Of Pride Month, Mark Wahlberg Apologizes To Every Queer Person He Jumped In His Youth June 30, 2023

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