Content warning: crude language BOSTON—In an official statement from Beacon Hill, Governor Charlie Baker announced that Massachusetts will host its first annual statewide bacchanalian sex carnival at 100% capacity on May 29. “I am pleased to inform the citizens of Massachusetts that, after a year of hardship, sacrifice, and diligence, they can rip off their masks with … [Read more...] about Gov. Baker Announces Statewide Bacchanalian Sex Carnival Can Begin May 29
Boston satire
Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting
“It’s not that the bottom half of his face is unattractive, it’s just not what I had in mind during the past ten months of casual masked conversation.” … [Read more...] about Previously Masked Neighbors Suddenly No Longer Flirting
Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms
Medfield dad Douglas Stephens has been overcome by waves of nostalgia while watching his favorite Boston sports teams underperform, just as they did during the formative years of his life. “It’s just like my teenage years in the early 90s—I still fondly remember punching my TV,” reflected Stephens, wiping away a single tear as he turned off the most recent Red Sox … [Read more...] about Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms
Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC
He may have been confirmed as Labor Secretary just a week ago, but Marty Walsh is wasting no time increasing employment in his new city. Amazingly, he’s already DOUBLED the staff at the Dunkin’ closest to his DC office! “This guy must drink like 20 iced coffees a day, he’s in here every hour and always ordering complicated stuff I didn’t even know we made. I can barely keep … [Read more...] about Wow! Labor Secretary Marty Walsh Has Already Created Dozens Of New Dunkin’ Jobs In DC
Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships
Lifelong Harwich resident Dan O’Hoolihan thought something was very wrong with his eight-year-old daughter when she brought home her first painting from school last week. "There is nothing seaworthy about a dinosaur princess,” said O’Hoolihan. “But when I called the school in a panic, they informed me that not all art is boat-related. Naturally, I was shocked—every piece of … [Read more...] about Cape Cod Dad Shocked To Discover Paintings Can Depict Subjects Other Than Ships