The Boston Accent

Wicked Serious Satire

Sports

Patriots Dreading Visit From Grandpa Who Retired To Florida

by

As the Patriots gear up to face the Buccaneers today, former teammates and colleagues of Tom Brady–moved to Florida to settle down in the sun–are resenting his return. “Of course the old snow bird is coming up for the last nice weekend of the season,” said Patriots Linebacker Dont’a Hightower. “Watch, I bet we won’t hear from him again the entire winter.” After 18 years … [Read more...] about Patriots Dreading Visit From Grandpa Who Retired To Florida

Bruins Fan Celebrates Victory Over Capitals By Happily Punching New Hole In Wall

by

“To be fair, if we had lost the series I was gonna punch a hole in the wall too,” said Mickey Porter, grinning ear to ear as he pulled his bruised fist from the drywall. “Punching and hitting stuff is how I express all my emotions.” Porter added that he’s prepping for the second round of the playoffs by purchasing dozens of cheap glasses from the local thrift store, which he … [Read more...] about Bruins Fan Celebrates Victory Over Capitals By Happily Punching New Hole In Wall

Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms

by

Medfield dad Douglas Stephens has been overcome by waves of nostalgia while watching his favorite Boston sports teams underperform, just as they did during the formative years of his life. “It’s just like my teenage years in the early 90s—I still fondly remember punching my TV,” reflected Stephens, wiping away a single tear as he turned off the most recent Red Sox … [Read more...] about Massachusetts Dad Overwhelmed By Nostalgia As Every Boston Sports Team Underperforms